Fiercest Calm
by Cherry Zone
Summary: After her mother's death and graduating from high school, Bella Swan moves to Forks. College is on hold while she mourns, so she gets a job at the local diner where she meets the handsome cook, Edward Cullen. AU/BxE/AH/eventual lemons/canon pairings.
1. here in a glass world

**Full Summary: Bella Swan is still reeling from the death of her beloved mother, Renee. After graduating from her Phoenix high school, she moves to live with her father in the small town of Forks. Putting college on hold while she sorts her life out, she gets a job waiting tables at the local diner where she meets a handsome cook named Edward Cullen.**

**A/N: This is my first official fanfic. I've been lurking the site for several months, greedily gobbling up every good Twilight fanfic that I could find. Eventually, I came to realize that I needed to add to the coffers and provide my own. As per the norm, Twilight and all characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. They just happen to hang out in my imagination, drinking tea with my muse and telling me to write, dang it!**

**The title, **_**Fiercest Calm**_**, is from a lyric in the Tori Amos song, "Concertina." (It's on the 1999 album "To Venus and Back," if you're so inclined to seek it out.) Tori is my first obsession in life, next to Twilight and Diet Coke. Don't be surprised if many of the chapter names are somehow related to the chapter itself, but are also a fragment of a Tori lyric.**

* * *

The Alaska Airlines boarding area at the Phoenix airport is surrounded on all sides by windows. Nearly floor to ceiling, those huge glass windows help the searing heat of the desert sun to radiate into the terminal, nearly melting anyone that makes the mistake to sit too near them. Sadly, they do not provide much a view of the landscape, of the city. There is the baked desert, the red rocks, the palms…but there is little that truly characterizes the city I've lived in for the vast majority of my life.

I feel like I am straining into those windows as I wait in line to board my flight. I am nearly on my tiptoes, hoping to get one more good view of Phoenix from the ground level. Before I am over the top of her, looking down and over what I am running away from. I try to convince myself that I'm not running.

I'm not doing a good job of it.

The line begins to move forward faster. I hand my boarding pass to the smiling attendant who scans it, hands it back to me and welcomes me aboard.

I get my last good view of Phoenix from the ground, the sky reddening in sunset against the stark contrast of the blue July sky. Then I slip into the gateway and make my way towards whatever it is that lies ahead for me in Phoenix.

* * * * *

Three months ago, I was at my mother's bedside at the Phoenix City Hospital. The nurses weaved in and out between Phil and me. It felt like they were ghosts, impermeable and transparent. They spoke, but I did not hear them. I did not watch the actions they took with regards to my mother's medical care. What was the point?

There was nothing more that could be done for her.

Phil and I were here merely to watch her light fade. Whether this was for her or for us, I did not know. I only knew what tugged at me inside – that I must stay here by her side until she passed into whatever world waited for her on the other side of this life. I had no use for the spiritualisms that Phil was trying to feed me, in those rare moments when we spoke to each. It was usually over a quick meal together in the hospital cafeteria, usually when one of Mom's friends was visiting.

Neither of us could bear to leave her alone. We couldn't have lived with ourselves if her light passed and she was by herself. I think, in my opinion, that would've been even worse than her actual, inevitable death.

Months of chemotherapy, session after session of radiation therapy – neither had done anything to reduce the dark monster that was growing at an exponential rate in her right breast. Within weeks of her diagnosis, she was clearly weakened by the seed that had taken root. I accompanied her to every appointment, held her hand through every chemotherapy treatment. In the end, though, it was all for naught. I still wonder why she did any of it at all, why she even put up the fight that she did. Was it worth it when this was what she was reduced to, a skeletal mass of bones and skin on a hospital bed?

Three months ago, on April 16, I lay on the bed next to my mother, holding her tiny hand, stroking what was left of her hair. Her eyes were closed; she was sleeping, if you could call it that. Her sleep was almost always restless, punctuated with her low, nearly silent moans. I was lying there, comforting her.

Comforting myself.

She hitched up a breath, stopped it abruptly and exhaled quickly. One more breath in and I listened for the release.

It never came.

I was lying by her side when she died.

* * * * *

It's less than three hours from Phoenix to Seattle, but it can feel like forever. I made the mistake of not grabbing a magazine at the airport, assuming that my iPod would hold all the entertainment that I required. I was wrong. I looked out the window at the mountainous, nameless landscape, and then looked down at my watch. We'd been in the air for only a little over an hour, the first round of pretzels and beverages already doled out. There was nothing left to do but sit and think, to close my eyes and wish desperately for a sleep that refused to come.

I was supposed to start at Arizona State University in the fall, my major still undecided. My mother would likely rise up from her pearlescent coffin and have my ass if she knew that I had cancelled my enrollment shortly after her death. Phil, despite his own very deep-seated grief, very nearly did the same.

"Why, Bella? Why?" he demanded over a dinner of Top Ramen and French bread. After Mom's death, we stopped caring about the nutritional value of our meals.

"You know how much this meant to her," he said. "And it meant so much to you. All the time you've spent on campus, all the work you did with your SAT and ACT scores. All that damned community service work!"

I fiddled with my fork, using it to pick out a bit of seasoning packet that had not been completely absorbed by the water. "I know, Phil," I replied meekly. "I just…I'm just not ready."

Phil slammed his fork down on the table and stood, angrily stomping towards the kitchen. He picked up the large packet of paperwork from ASU from the counter and brought it back to the table we were seated at. He dropped it unceremoniously in front of my soup bowl. The sound echoed in the empty house.

"So much work," he said, nearly shouting, "so much heart and soul poured into those essays. Your mother took such pride in your heading to college – the first in her family! She bragged about your acceptance to anyone that would listen. People laughed at her – it was just ASU, after all. But she was so damned proud, Bella!"

Tears were betraying me, creeping out from under my hot eyelids. "Phil, I know. That's why I can't do it. I can't do it without Mom. I can't be _here_ without Mom."

Phil became very still. He sat back in his chair at the table. "What does that mean?"

"It means," I said, staring into my uneaten ramen noodles, "that I'm moving to Forks after graduation."

There was silence.

Then Phil began to cry.

* * * * *

I was running, of course, I thought to myself as I checked my watch again. The landscape underneath me had begun to change. It was dark, but there were more lights now – indicating that we were getting closer to the cities surrounding SeaTac International Airport. My watch confirmed the truth – we were thirty minutes from landing. I turned the lovely watch around on my wrist. It had been my mother's and Phil had made sure that I got it from her jewelry case before I left.

Why else would I turn my back on the college education that I'd worked so hard for? Why else would I try to forget the image of Phil, crying into his bowl of ramen that night at the dinner table? I was leaving him behind, leaving him alone in that empty house under the unforgiving desert sky. I was the last thing left of the life the three of us had begun to live together and here I was, walking away.

Or rather, in my case, flying away. I fingered the watch again. It hadn't been much, not an expensive piece of jewelry, but something functional that my mother wore every day. It was worn in the places that it had rubbed against her in the years that she'd had it. That was why I had chosen this specifically, why I had delicately asked Phil to find it in the room that they had shared together. It was hers, through and through. I sometimes thought that I could still feel her warm skin beneath it.

The plane began to make its final descent into SeaTac. I straightened my seat and turned off the overhead light, leaning my head next to the open window beside me. I could see the lights of this new city surrounding the airport – the lights of cars, the lights of office buildings, the lights of pawn shops and taverns and hotels and fancy restaurants. So similar to Phoenix, yet so different.

For one, it was raining when we landed.

* * * * *

My dad, Charlie, met me at baggage claim. Our hug was awkward – it had been years since we'd last been in each other's presence and while I had spoken with him many times and in depth (especially during the roughest times of my mother's illness, as well as since her passing), it still felt strange to be standing next to him. I pointed to my bags, tumbling onto the carousel. As he made his way through the crowd to reach for them, I pulled out my cell phone and made a quick call to Phil.

"Hey darlin'," he said immediately upon answering. "I take it you got in all right?"

"I did Phil; I just wanted to let you know."

"Good, thank you. I sure do miss you here already." I could hear the soft sadness in his voice.

"I know, Phil. I'll be in touch all the time."

There was a deep sigh. "I know, darlin', I know."

Charlie came up to me then, my bags in hand. "You ready?"

"Yeah, Dad, I am." I turned my attention back to the phone. "Hey, Phil? I gotta go, all right? I'll call you tomorrow, okay?"

After a moment of silence, Phil responded. "All right, but you don't have to. You get yourself settled in at your dad's. Then you call me and tell me all about Forks. And don't worry about me, I'll be fine here."

"I know you will, Phil. But I'll still call you. All the time. It'll be like I never left."

Silence again. "Yeah," he replied. "You take care, kiddo."

"I will. You too."

I closed the phone and stuffed it back in my purse. Charlie busied himself, looking overly interested in the empty Avis car rental counter. I looked the other way, silent, and wiped a lone tear from my eye.

"Dad?" I asked finally, after the silence between us became deafening. "You ready to go?"

"Sure am," he replied, almost sounding relieved. "Let's get movin'."

* * * * *


	2. blow them seeds away

**A/N: I know, I know! This chapter took so long to finally write! I blame it on life, the universe and everything. Either way, here it is in all it's glory.**

**This chapter's title is taken from a lyric in the Tori Amos song, "Not Dying Today," on the Abnormally Attracted to Sin album. There's also another Tori reference in this chapter itself – an internet cookie to the first person (if anyone reads my drivel anyway) who can correctly identify it.**

I had taken one of the last flights out of Phoenix, so it was too late in the day to make it out on a flight to Port Angeles. Charlie had rented two rooms at a nearby hotel for us to sleep in before we continued on to Forks the next morning. Before we retired for the night, we grabbed a quiet dinner together. We spent most of the evening being awkward and silent, neither of us really knowing what to say to the other.

"I talked with Jan down at the diner," he said, pouring more A-1 onto his steak. "She said to come on in as soon as you get into town. She's got a piece of pie and a job for you."

"A job?" I was curious and, to admit, a bit confused. I hadn't asked Charlie to find me a job. In fact, I hadn't mentioned anything about getting a job.

"Yeah, I know," he replied, almost reading my thoughts. He started to cut into the sauce-covered steak. "I kind of overstepped my boundaries, I suppose, but Phil thought it might do you some good, rather than moping around the house all day."

Ah. I should've known Phil had been in on it. "Well, all right," I said, although I wasn't too entirely sure I was all right with it. "I'll head down there once I've settled in."

Charlie replied with a satisfied harrumph and started in on his steak, effectively bringing a close to any further discussion on the matter.

As I ate my own dinner (an enormous plate full of pasta carbonara with too many peas in it for my liking), I debated silently if this little turn of events pissed me off or not. I hadn't had any hard, set plans for my time in Forks. In fact, thinking about it more fully, I had probably started to look like a bit of a sponge to Charlie. I'd graduated high school, dropped out of college and then run up here with no concrete plans whatsoever...just expecting him to take me in and care for me as though I were incapable of doing it myself.

I sighed into my noodles. I knew that wasn't likely Charlie's method of thinking at all, but I sure did feel pretty bad that I'd made no plans as to what I'd be doing with myself once I arrived. While I didn't relish the idea of immediately getting to work in a greasy diner (although it had been so long since I'd last set foot in Forks that I could barely recall if it was greasy or not), it would give me something to do. It would be nice, too, to be making my own money and not having to mooch off of Charlie quite so much.

My mind made up, I went back to eating my food. The rest of the night was quiet between us, with the exception of the rain beating mercilessly into the windows beside us. I found it hard to sleep that night, even after the warmest shower possible, cranking the heat up in the room as high as it would go. The sound of rain was practically foreign to me – even though it did rain in Phoenix on occasion, it wasn't enough to get me used to it. I felt like it was metaphorically seeping into my life, sealing off my past in Phoenix and cementing with my unknown and shrouded future in Forks.

* * * * * * * * *

Over the course of the next few days, I found myself getting settled into Forks a lot easier than I had imagined. Away from the sunshine and our seemingly empty house, I found it easier to wrestle aside the crushing weight that came with missing my mother. I had not yet talked to Phil since that first evening I'd arrived at Sea-Tac, but I expected that when I did, my overwhelming grief would likely return.

On my third day in Forks, Charlie dropped, quite literally, another surprise in my lap. I was sitting on the couch, folding clothes from the laundry and mindlessly watching an episode of Maury when he came in the front door and tossed a set of keys towards me. They landed neatly on top of the pale pink undies I had just folded. I quickly scooped up the keys and flipped over the pile of clothing so that my unmentionables weren't out there for the whole world to see. I turned my head and looked at Charlie, who had quite the shit-eating grin on his face.

"Come on out and take a look at 'er," he said, motioning me to the door. I couldn't help but smile back at him – his good humor was a tad infectious. The smile felt a bit strange on my face, as though it were the first real smile I'd cracked in a long time. I suspected, as I stood and slipped into a pair of sandals, that it was.

I followed Charlie out the door and beheld in front of me a beast of a vehicle. Clearly a late 60's model pickup truck, painted red and quite possibly made entirely of steel. To cap the occasion, there was even a small bow on the hood. I looked at Charlie, who still held the same grin on his face.

"Is this…for me?" I asked him.

"Sure is," he replied. "Had my eye on it for awhile, before you got here. One of the local kids was selling it. Figured you could use it to get around town and see the sights." He waggled his eyebrows at me.

I laughed, feeling the same sort of mystery in my voice as I had with the smile earlier. "You crack me up. Dad, you really shouldn't have. I planned to find my own vehicle and spend my own money on it."

Charlie shrugged. "No big deal. I couldn't pass this girl up. Besides, I thought you might want to drive to the diner without your old man in tow."

Aha. Was that part of his angle? I figured it likely was a small thought in the back of his head, but with his sheer enthusiasm, it appeared that he had really just wanted to give his daughter some wheels. I stepped down from the porch and up to the truck. I ran my hands across the hood. The paintjob was new – it still felt like shiny should feel like if it were a texture.

"It's great, Dad," I said, choking up a small bit on my words. "Thanks so much."

Charlie looked away. Emotions aren't exactly our strong suits and to tell the truth, I was glad for it. He cleared his throat and looked back when he figured the coast was clear.

"So, why don't you take her for a spin? Jan's been asking when you'd be down."

I took the hint. "You know what? I think I will. Let me get changed and I'll head over."

That seemed to please Charlie. He came over and patted me on the back, then harrumphed a bit. I looked over at him and saw that he was trying to say something that he didn't know how to say.

"You know," he said, "I know it's been hard on you since your mother passed. I just don't want you to have to put on a show for your old man."

"Dad," I started, but he stopped me.

"Just…just know that it's okay to miss her while you're here," he said. "Just because she and I split up when you were small doesn't mean that I don't want you to miss her. You don't have to hide it, but I want you to know that it'll be okay. All right?"

The lump in my throat threatened to rise against my better intentions and turn me into a puddle of tears. "Yeah. Thanks, Dad."

He kept his hand on my back for a moment longer, then cleared his throat and turned back toward the house. I followed quickly behind me, heading upstairs to my room to change.

* * * * * * * * *

The truck, I found out, was in no need of an alarm – if one was even necessary in such a place as Forks. The sheer act of turning the key in the ignition was alarm enough that someone was driving a freight train down Main Street or trying to take off with my truck. Honestly, how I missed the sound of it as it barreled into the driveway at Charlie's house, I had no idea. Perhaps I thought that elephants were in season and stampeding through the front lawn?

Either way, I found myself, an hour after my exchange with Charlie, headed into town in my new-to-me truck/Tyrannosaurus. The diner should be, according to Charlie, on the south side of Main Street, nestled in between an antique shop and another antique shop. What was it with small towns and antique shops, anyway?

I found the diner quickly enough, next to Olde Tyme Collectibles, but before My Grandmother's Attic. I snickered at the kitschiness of the names and parked my truck on the street outside the front door of the diner. The neon sign in the window told me, in no uncertain screaming pink terms, that I was about to enter "The Dew Drop Inn." More kitsch. I laughed inwardly, then pressed through the doors and looked around. A busty, heavyset woman behind the waitress station immediately wiped her hands on her apron and bustled up to me.

"You must be Bella!" she exclaimed. "Oh, you have your father's eyes! Come on in, darlin', I'm Jan. Can I get you a cup of coffee or something to eat?"

The warmth exuding from Jan was nearly as infectious as Charlie's smile this morning. "I could go for some coffee," I replied. "Thank you."

"No problem, no problem at all," Jan responded, heading back around the waitress station and grabbing a pot of coffee and a clean mug. She plunked the mug on the table nearest us, then beckoned me to sit down. I did so as she poured the coffee into my cup. Then she sat at the seat across from me.

I took two packets of sugar from the caddy in the middle of the table and shook them into my coffee cup. In my brief look around the diner, I had noticed that it was relatively empty. I looked at my mother's watch – it was 3pm.

Jan saw me check the time and laughed. "This is our downtime, hon," she said. "The golden period between the lunch and dinner rushes. A few people come in for pie or coffee around this time, but you'll see it really heat up around 5 or 6. Tonight's special is a town favorite – Edward's Lasagna. People will be lining up for it."

I smiled. She was enthusiastic and charming in that small town kind of way. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a few curious pairs of eyes looking at us from behind the cook's station. I pretended not to notice as I faced Jan.

"Charlie told me that you were looking to hire a waitress," I said.

"Yes, yes," Jan replied. "We're losing our mid-day and evening gal. Jessica's been with us since she was in high school, but she's headed off to college in New York. We'll need someone to work with her to learn the ropes and then take her place once she's headed out."

One of the pair of eyes behind the cook's station apparently had hands, too. One hand, a dainty female one, surreptitiously waved. I surmised that the hand (and eyes) belonged to Jessica.

"I've never waitressed before, but…" I started, but was cut off by Jan.

"No problem!" Jan said. "I'm happy to train you and Jessica's been chomping at the bit to get her replacement ready to go. If you want the job and can start tomorrow, it's yours!"

"Tomorrow?" I was kind of surprised. I hadn't exactly expected to be working so soon.

"Do you have any obligations? We can be flexible, of course," Jan said, hope in her eyes.

I didn't have anything to do except watch more episodes of Maury. "Nope," I replied. "I can be here tomorrow. What time?"

"Two o'clock," Jan replied. "Just wear a white polo shirt and black pants. I'll get an apron for you from my office." She stood and headed through a set of double doors that led, I assumed, to the kitchen. Before the doors could swing closed, a short and small-framed girl rushed out of them and towards me.

"Hi!" the girl exclaimed and slid into the seat that Jan had occupied. "I'm Jessica! I'm so glad that Jan hired you – I've been so worried about leaving. I didn't want them to be without someone to take my place!"

"Hi," I said. The girl was bubbly and cheerful, probably a cheerleader in high school. I noticed that another set of eyes still watched us from behind the cook's station. I focused on Jessica, feeling nervous at all this attention.

"So, you're Chief Swan's daughter?" she asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"How come I've never met you before? Have you always lived in Phoenix?"

"I've visited in the summers before, but I usually spent most of my time with Char…I mean, my dad," I replied.

"So why are you here now?" Jessica twirled a loose strand of her honey blonde hair around her finger. The girl sounded like she could talk a mile a minute if given the chance.

"Um…my mom died." I responded. Jessica's face fell momentarily.

"That sucks," she said.

I laughed a little. "Yeah," I said, enjoying the simplicity of her statement. "It does." Jessica smiled at me.

Jan returned to the table with an apron in her hand. "I see you two are getting along famously," she said, visibly pleased. She handed me the apron, then rushed over to the front door where some guests were entering.

"Sorry to rush off, dear," she called over her shoulder. "See you tomorrow at two!"

"Two o'clock," I repeated. I swallowed half the cup of coffee quickly. I felt bad that I hadn't had a chance to touch it yet.

Jessica also bounded off, ready to serve up waters to the customers that Jan was seating. "See you, Bella!" I waved back at her and slid out of the booth.

The eyes from behind the cook's station followed me as I headed towards the door of the diner. I looked to them briefly, wondering what was so exciting about plain old Bella Swan.

"Edward!" Jan called from behind me.

The eyes seemed to slowly remove their focus on me and turned towards Jan.

I took that moment to duck out the diner doors.


	3. blew me forward

**A/N: Holy crow, an update in less than a month! This chapter didn't exactly follow the rough outline that I had set out, but I wrote it the way that it came to me and I think it turned out all right. I suspect that my decision to make Bella a bit of a smoker won't be entirely popular, but I'll let you in on a little secret: it likely won't last long. I just felt the need to a) make her a little more like me and b) give her a bit more of an edge than seen in the novels.**

**This chapter's title is taken from a lyric in the Florence and the Machine song "Between Two Lungs" on the album Lungs. I'm deviating from my penchant for Tori Amos lyrics mostly because this song seemed to fit best and because I've been on quite the FatM kick lately.**

When I returned home from the diner, I found the house empty. Charlie was at work, leaving the house quiet and relatively lonely. I was suddenly struck with an overwhelming and unexpected wave of homesickness – compounded by the fact that I desperately wished I'd had a close enough friend back in Phoenix that I could call and talk to. I'd always been far more wrapped up in being with my mom that I hadn't allowed myself much time for friends. The few that I did have, a few classmates from my high school, weren't close enough to me to be able to handle the massiveness of my mother's illness. As I withdrew into myself and my grief as my mother grew more ill, they retreated – as though my "condition" might be spreading.

I sighed as I sat down in front of Charlie's ancient computer. When he had shown it to me upon my arrival, I had asked him where he kept the coal in which to get the thing running. I was only half-kidding. As I turned it on, I remarked to myself that the sound it made was akin to my truck starting up – as though a locomotive were giving birth to triplet rhinos. Once the computer was completely booted up, I connected to the internet – another small challenge. I didn't even think that dial-up modems existed anymore, but here was a true testament to the golden age of technology, right in my father's living room.

Once online, I brought up my email and drafted a note to Phil. I was still holding off on calling him – as though hearing his voice would bring back fleeting memories that I was not yet ready to deal with.

_Phil:_

_Sorry I haven't had a chance before now to write or call. Still trying to get settled here in Forks. It's raining again, imagine that._

_Charlie is being great, can't complain on that front. He found a great old truck for me to use to get around town in. Good thing it's so slow, otherwise I'd go through Forks too quickly and miss something. Ha! _

_I got a job at the local diner, working as a waitress. I don't know what to expect, but I'm glad that it will get me out of the house and I'll have some money of my own so I'm not just leeching off of Charlie. I know he doesn't care, but it makes me feel better. A little._

_I miss you. I hope you're keeping busy in Phoenix and that you'll get back to playing ball soon. I hope you're eating more than just ramen noodles. Have you made any new recipes with them yet?_

_Take care,_

_Bella_

I clicked on the send button, then closed the browser window. It wasn't late, but I suddenly felt very tired. Today had entailed the most activity I'd engaged in since I arrived in Forks. The wave of homesickness overcame me again and I felt my head droop a bit, my hands coming up to each cheek and settling there. I was remotely aware that I was crying silently.

I stood abruptly, headed upstairs and readied myself for bed.

* * * * * * * * * *

I slept soundly, my sleep dreamless. When I awoke at 3am, I was surprised at the darkness outside and I was momentarily confused at my surroundings. I remembered where I was and why I was here and sat up quickly, the blood rushing to my head too fast and making me slightly woozy.

When the world stopped spinning enough that I felt well enough to stand, I swung my legs out of bed and stretched as I got to my feet. I could hear the faint sounds of Charlie snoring down the hallway in his room. I padded quietly out of my room and down the stairs to the kitchen, where I pulled a glass out of the cupboard and filled it with water from the tap. As I drank, I stealthily made my way to where I had left my purse by the front door. Rummaging in it quietly, I found the small rectangle box that held my one bad habit. I hadn't touched my cigarettes since I'd left Phoenix and I just bet that they were all stale.

Strangely determined to have one, I slipped on my shoes and stole quietly out the front door. I headed for the backend of my truck and leaned against it as I put the filter to my lips, lighting it with the Bic that I'd kept tucked into the pack. I inhaled once, then exhaled, the nicotine of my first smoke in weeks giving me a headrush similar to the one I'd felt when I'd sat up in bed. Damn it, they _were_ stale.

"Cigarettes will kill you, you know?" a voice said out of nowhere.

"Oh!" I said, startled. The cigarette fell from my fingers as I slipped off of the truck and towards the ground. I was prepared to feel the damp earth under my hands and was surprised when a pair of strong hands caught me before I reached the ground. The hands helped me back to my feet and steadied me, one on each shoulder. My sad little Marlboro remained on the ground, smoldering away in the dirt.

I lifted my head and looked into the eyes that belonged to the hands that had broken my fall. They were a startling beautiful topaz, shocking me enough in their depths that I stepped back a bit, bumping into the fender of my truck. The rest of the person, which I had still failed to look at, chuckled. The person ducked and retrieved my forgotten cigarette from the ground by my foot. As he – I was definitely confident that this was a "he" – rose, I caught a glimpse, in the moonlight, of bronze in his hair; otherwise, the night sky simply left it dark to my eyes. His nose crinkled deliciously as he looked at the cigarette and handed it back towards me.

"See what I mean?" he said, with a hint of hidden laughter in his voice. "Cigarettes kill. And, in your case, they also apparently cause equilibrium malfunctions."

"Um, yeah," I replied. "I don't need much help with that, actually." I took a deep breath and looked at this beautiful stranger full on for the first time. "So, um, thanks. You know, for keeping me from breaking my tailbone."

"My pleasure," he replied. He stuck his hand out. "I'm Edward, by the way. Edward Cullen." I took his hand and shook it. He had a firm handshake – not too firm so as to nearly crush my fingers, but he didn't give me a wussy shake just because I was a girl. I judged a man by his handshake - it was kind of a deal-breaker for me. So far, though, this Edward fellow was winning every contest he entered in my head.

"Bella," I replied. "Bella Swan."

"Ah, yes," he said. "I thought I'd recognized you. You're the new waitress down at the diner. I'm a cook there. You came in today, right?"

Something about the tone of his voice let me know, in no uncertain terms, that he was thoroughly bullshitting me. He'd known who I was from the start. I'd play along with it. He must be going _somewhere_ with this.

"That's me," I replied. I took a drag from the cigarette. It had been nearly forgotten, a long trail of ash falling off the end as I inhaled. There wasn't much left to it and suddenly I felt terribly dirty smoking in front of Edward. I dropped it to the ground and crushed it out underneath my shoe.

"So what are you doing out here at 3am?" I asked. "I mean, aside from saving damsels in distress?"

Edward smiled crookedly at me and my heart nearly melted into a puddle at my feet. "I like to walk the town late at night. It makes me mysterious."

"Is that so?"

"It certainly seems that way," he replied, his eyes never straying from mine. "And you? Is this a nightly ritual of yours?"

I was momentarily embarrassed. "No," I said. "I actually haven't smoked since I left Phoenix. It was a nervous habit I picked up while…when my mom was in the hospital."

Edward nodded, seeming not to pick up or choosing not to react to the catch in my voice when I mentioned my mother. "I can understand that, I suppose," he said. "That's why I walk, kind of. It's a stress reliever. I can just listen to my feet hit the ground and not think of anything else."

He paused. "You could join me sometime," he said, smiling that crooked smile again. "It would be a lot healthier than smoking. And I bet you'd fall down less."

I laughed quietly. "You'd lose that bet."

He laughed too. "I'm willing to find out. Will you be working tomorrow?"

I nodded. "First day," I said. "Are you cooking?"

"As always," he replied. "I'm on my way home now, so I'll see you tomorrow at work and we can make plans for one of these walks."

I smiled. "That'd be great."

He smiled back, then headed back down the street. I watched his retreating form until my eyes were straining against the darkness for more detail. In mere moments, he was out of my line of vision and the night was dark and quiet again around me.


	4. she's living kindness

**A/N: I'm on a roll and I'll tell you the truth – it's the reviews that encourage me to write more. Yay for reviews! Yay for me putting off making my kid's lunch until midnight so I can write!**

**Moving on, I wanted to note that the diner in this fic, including its physical layout, is pulled entirely from my memory of a restaurant that I worked at ten years ago. There was even a cook named Fritz that looked like a hippie and drove a VW van. It was the kind of hometown restaurant where almost all of the customers are regulars and the employees get rowdy behind the scenes. Good times.**

**This chapter's title is oh-so-appropriately taken from the Tori Amos song, "The Waitress." You can find it on her 1994 album Under the Pink.**

The next day, I woke later than I'd expected. Despite my 3am interlude, I had thought that my earlier length of sleep would allow me to wake earlier than noon. I had hoped to have a little more time to myself before I headed in to my first day on the job at the diner. Add to that a night of dreams about my mother that I wished I could forget and today was not shaping up to be my day.

Shoot, I realized, as I stood from my bed and stretched. I hadn't even had a chance to tell Charlie that I'd be starting at the diner today. I decided to try him on his cell phone once I was a little more awake.

As I stood in the shower, the water pouring down my back, I contemplated last night's events…and my encounter with Edward Cullen. So far, I knew only a few things about him – he made a popular lasagna, he had pretty quick reflexes, he liked walking around town late at night, he didn't seem to like cigarettes and – I had to be honest with myself – he was pretty damn good-looking. I scrubbed shampoo into my hair and wondered further on this new fascination with him. Our exchange last night had been minimal, but I found him creeping into my thoughts.

There was something about those odd topaz eyes. I wanted to find out more about him.

I cleaned myself, rinsed the shampoo out of my hair and then turned off the water. Wrapping myself in a towel, I went back to my bedroom and dried off. I dressed in some comfortable sweatpants and a t-shirt, then headed downstairs to the kitchen. Taped to the fridge was a note from Charlie.

_Bella, I didn't want to wake you, but I heard the news from Jan that you're starting at the diner today. I'll stop in for dinner tonight, if you don't mind serving your old man._

_Charlie_

I smiled. I should have known that news would travel fast in a small town; it looked like I wouldn't have to bother Charlie on his cell phone after all. Contented by this thought, I rummaged in the cupboards until I had the fixings to make myself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I made a mental note, especially when I realized that we were out of milk (a necessity with any PB&J), that I would need to head to the grocery store sooner than later.

My sandwich in hand, I sat down at Charlie's computer and booted it up. Once the steam engines were down to a dull roar, I logged onto the internet and opened my email. Amid the spam, there was a new email from Phil. My finger hesitated on the mouse, the cursor hovering on the "open" button. I wanted to know how Phil was doing, yes, but I struggled with the desire to keep my eyes dry today. In the end, my need to hear from him won out.

_Bella:_

_Thank you for the email update, I really appreciated it. I'm not sure why you haven't called, but I'm sure that you're just getting settled into your dad's place. Don't think that you can't chat on the phone with an old, sad man. I miss hearing your voice. It's very quiet around here._

_I haven't been doing much, mostly just puttering around the house and trying not to think about things too much. I haven't given much thought to playing ball anytime soon. The team seems to be doing well without me, so I might just take off as much time as I can. I like being here at the house, even if it is so empty._

_I miss your mom a lot, kiddo. I can't even begin to pretend that I don't. It feels like everything I had was ripped from me and I'm not always doing too well. I try to keep busy in the yard, keeping up that garden that Renee tried to start last spring. Remember that thing? She was so excited about it, then it turned into a mess of weeds as soon as she moved on to another hobby. I saw some of the little flowers sprouting up out of the ground, though, so I'm trying to revive it. Might even plant some vegetables to see if they can survive in this heat._

_Otherwise, it's been pretty boring around here. When do you start your new job? Met any nice people up there? I hope that you're making friends quick and I bet getting out and working will help with that._

_All right, I won't take up any more of your time. I'm sure you have a lot of better things to do than sit around and read about what this old guy is doing. Give me a call soon._

_Phil_

This time, when I was done with the email, I knew that I was crying. The tears were not silent this time.

Phil's sadness practically leapt off the screen at me. I knew it wasn't his intent, but I suddenly felt tremendously guilty for leaving him all alone in Phoenix. I had hoped that he'd get back to playing ball right away, that it would take his mind off of things and get him back among his friends again. That didn't seem to be the case and now I felt for assuming that he'd be all right without me.

Hiccupping with sobs, I stood from the computer desk and picked up my forgotten sandwich. I chucked it into the trash can underneath the sink and filled a glass with water. I took a long drink from it, then placed both my palms on the edge of the counter, as though to hold me up. My head sank until, it too, rested on the cool countertop.

I stood there like that for what seemed an eternity, sobbing.

I had left him all alone.

* * * * * * * * * *

Once my theatrical waterworks had subsided, I glumly made my way to my room, noticing that it was nearing 1:30pm. It was only a short drive to the diner, but I wanted to be a bit early if at all possible. I pulled out a pair of black pants and a white polo shirt, like Jan had advised. I was glad that I had each item in my possession – I hadn't explored enough of the town yet to know if there was even a place to buy clothing. I wrapped the waitress apron, a half an apron with large pockets, around my waist and then pulled my hair into a tight ponytail at the back of my head. I was never one for too much makeup, but I figured that I should at least take some precautions to look presentable.

In the mirror, my face betrayed the crying session I'd had. My eyes were puffy and red, my cheeks ruddy with the heat emanating from the effort I'd made while sobbing. I rubbed moisturizer on my face, hoping that the cool aloe lotion would help negate the reddish affect. After a brief sweep of eye shadow and lip gloss, the later which I placed in one of my apron pockets for later applications, I declared myself fit for the first day on the job.

* * * * * * * * * *

I walked in the front door of the diner at five minutes to two. Jan was busy looking over a stack of receipts at the register near the door, but looked up as I entered and smiled a cheerful grin.

"Right on time!" she exclaimed, putting down the receipts and coming out to circle her arm around my shoulders. "Come on back, I'll show you where to punch in."

Like the day before, the diner was relatively empty – save for a middle-aged man hunched over a newspaper and a cup of coffee. Jan led me through the tables, behind the waitress station and then through the door leading to the kitchen. I was surprised to see that the kitchen was empty.

"Where's the cook?" I asked.

Jan waved a hand. "Oh, we're switching shifts right now. Fritz, the morning cook, is out back having a smoke and telling Edward how the day went."

I nodded. Jan led me towards an old-looking punch clock at the back of the kitchen, next to what I assumed was the walk-in fridge. Next to the clock was a long metal timecard holder. She picked out one near the top that had my name written on it.

"Simplest thing you'll learn today," she said. She fed the card into the clock and we both listened to the _ka-chunk_ as the current time and date was stamped on it. She put the timecard back in the slot at the top of the rack. Then she led me toward the back doors. The main door was propped open by a large rock, leaving the screen door between us and the back parking lot. Through the screen, I could see three figures forming a semi-circle.

"Hey, kids," Jan said as she swung open the screen door. "Here's our new gal!"

The three figures turned and I saw that they were Jessica, Edward and a man in his forties that I assumed must be Fritz. He reminded me of the hippies in video clips from the 60's, with his long dirty blond hair tied neatly into a long ponytail at the nape of his neck. His white cook's apron was dirty with food stains. Cigarettes dangled from his and Jessica's hands, but not from Edward's.

As Jessica bounded up to me to greet me with a hug, I saw Edward smile at me before he turned his attention back to Fritz. They seemed to be discussing the popularity of this morning's breakfast special, as well as the impact something like that might have on the ingredients left for the evening shift. I felt as though Edward's eyes were following me, even as he conversed with Fritz. I felt my face redden involuntarily.

"Bella!" Jessica said, detaching herself from the hug. "Are you ready for your first day? I have so much to show you – today is just going to _fly_ by!" She grabbed me by the hand and dragged me back towards the restaurant. She flicked her cigarette out onto the ground and swung open the screen door, never letting go of my hand.

I guessed that I was as ready as I'd ever be.

* * * * * * * * * *

Jessica was right, it turned out, and the time did fly by. By the time she'd finished showing me the duties behind the waitress station – making coffee and putting together simple salads, soups, breads and cereals – and had given me a thorough run-through on working the register and credit card machine, the dinner rush had started to trickle in. Tonight's special was Jan's Pot Roast, which Jessica claimed was nearly as popular as Edward's Lasagna.

As the four o'clock hour passed and more people came in for dinner, I was inclined to believe her. I also wondered what in the world this place would look like on the Edward's Lasagna nights – as it was, every seat in the diner was full, with a few patient customers waiting near the front door for the first available table. Once the rush got going, I acted as a back-up busser to Jessica, following her around to the tables with drink refills and extra napkins, fetching booster seats and high chairs, cleaning up spills and collecting checks to take to Jan, who busied herself both at the register and assisting Edward in the kitchen. Another cook had joined the crew at 4pm, but I hadn't had a moment to catch his name. He seemed to be acting as a back-up to Edward in the same manner that I was doing the same for Jessica.

I'd be lying if I pretended that the entire dinner rush went flawlessly. I fell down. Three times. Each time, I nearly took out a customer. Once, I dropped an entire pot of coffee on the floor with me. Thankfully, Jessica had a good enough humor about it, as did the customers. A few of them jumped up to help me. On one of my passes through the kitchen, during my third or fourth near-fall, I know that I heard Edward chuckle.

It was nearly 8pm before the steady stream of customers slowed down to a more comfortable dribble. I was wiping down tables while Jessica cleared dishes when Charlie arrived. He chose not to wait to be seated – just grabbed a menu from next to the register and came right over to me.

"Hey there!" he said, grinning. He looked at me with wondering eyes. "Busy night?"

I blew a stray hair out of my face. I was going to need to brush my hair and straighten my ponytail soon, before I looked like a bag lady. "Definitely. You picked a good time to come in. Take a seat."

Charlie smiled again and it was infectious this time. I grabbed a pot of coffee and a clean mug, then headed back to where Charlie sat. I poured him a cup of coffee and he set his menu aside. Jan bustled over to us.

"Charlie!" she said. "I just knew you'd stop by on Bella's first night. Here for the pot roast?"

"Sure am, Jan," Charlie replied. "There any newspapers left around here?"

Jan nodded. "Got one in my office. I'll bring it right out."

I left Charlie then, as Jessica waved me over to the kitchen door. She pulled just inside it and let it close against us. I could still see Charlie, over the top of the swinging door. Jan was bringing the newspaper out to him.

"So," Jessica said. "What do you think?"

"It's a great place," I replied. "Busy, but great. I think it'll be a lot of fun waitressing here."

Jessica laughed. "No!" she replied and pointed over the top of the door towards another table. "What do you think?"

I followed her pointing finger and saw a young man seated at the table in question. He was blond and good-looking in the wholesome boy next door kind of way. He was busy shoveling a pile of pot roast into his mouth, so he didn't notice Jessica pointing.

"Um, he's nice-looking, I guess? Why?"

"That's my fiancé Mike," Jessica replied, giggling a little and flashing the tiny diamond ring on her finger. "He just proposed yesterday. We're both going to school in New York together, but we're going to get married next summer and then get our own place near the campus. Isn't that romantic?"

I was momentarily relieved – I had, for a split second, thought that she was trying to hook me up with this Mike guy. "That's fantastic," I said in response. Jessica looked as though she quite literally had stars in her eyes. I dared not question the logistics of their proposed endeavor.

Just then, Mike stood and waved towards the kitchen door where we stood. He flashed a pack of cigarettes and pointed towards the back customer entrance. Jessica bounced up and down.

"Do you mind?" she asked. "I'll be back in a jiff. You can handle the customers we've got left, right?"

I looked over the top of the door at the customers left in the restaurant: Charlie was standing up and heading towards the men's room and Mike was leaving with Jessica, leaving only one older couple eating pie, a woman reading a book and sipping tea and the same middle-aged man hunched over coffee and a newspaper. Jan was disappearing into her office near the cash register.

"Sure thing," I said, patting Jessica on the back. "Go on, get out of here. You deserve a break." Jessica giggled and scooted out the door in a flash.

Behind me, I heard a cough. When I had come in with Jessica, Edward had been methodically cleaning the grill with large cloths and some kind of scraping tool. Now he was leaning against the prep counter next to me, his apron dirty and his smile crooked. Again with the crooked smile, I thought. It'd be the death of me.

"So," he started, before he was cut off by a noise from the dining room.

"WAITRESS!" the middle-aged man was shouting. The other diners had turned to look at the man, then looked expectantly towards the kitchen door. I smiled apologetically to Edward and pushed quickly through the door.

"Hi, sir," I said as I approached his table. "What can I do for you?"

The man lifted his head from his hunched position and looked me in the eye. "My coffee cup is empty. Fix it."

I was startled by his abrupt tone, but turned around to the waitress station to grab a coffee pot. Sure enough, it was empty – I'd poured the last of it into Charlie's cup. I started up a fresh pot and returned to the man's table.

"It'll just be a few moments while a fresh pot brews," I told the man. "Can I get you anything else in the meantime?"

The man stared at me. "What did you say?" He sounded incredulous.

"Is there anything else I can get you?" I repeated.

"No, about the coffee. YOU RAN OUT OF COFFEE?!" Now the man was nearly shouting. The other diner patrons looked towards me sympathetically, but no one said a word.

"I'm very sorry, but it'll only be a few minutes," I replied, my voice shaking a bit.

"That's just not goddamned good enough!" the man said angrily, pounding his fist on the table. The silverware next to him rattled. As he spoke more, I could smell alcohol on his breath. Whiskey, to be exact.

"I, uh, I," I stammered.

The man stood, holding onto the table for balance. He put his face as close to mine as possible – I could feel the whiskey-baited heat of his breath on my cheeks. "I. WANT. MY. COFFEE. NOW."

I was trembling as I prepared my response, trying to steel my reserve and muster up some courage. Before I could even open my mouth, a pair of hands came between us. Edward shoved the man away from me and back into his seat at the table.

"Bella," Edward said sternly. "Move."

I obliged him. Edward picked the man up by his collar and shoved him towards the door.

"Picking on the ladies again, Pat?" he said to the man. "Maybe you wouldn't need so much coffee if you weren't drinking whiskey like it were water."

"Oh screw you, prettyboy," Pat replied. "And get your damn hands offa me."

"Blow it out your ass, wino," Edward said. He shoved open the front door. "Now get the hell out of here before I get Chief Swan out of the john."

Pat stumbled off into the darkness, flipping Edward the finger in the process. Edward wiped his hands on his apron and came back into the restaurant. Ahead of him, I pushed through the kitchen door and was away from prying eyes for a moment until Edward followed me.

"You all right?" he asked, sizing me up. He grabbed one of my shaking hands and steadied it in his own.

The affect was electrifying. I suddenly felt as though a live current were coursing through my veins, buzzing audibly between myself and this tantalizing creature in front of me. I looked up from our hands to his face, wondering if he felt it too. His eyes were amused, looking at me, but he didn't let go of my hand.

He put his other hand on my shoulder. The same reaction came over me, as though his touch were simply turning on every invisible switch in my body. I tried to speak, but no words came out. I smiled at him instead, which prompted another one of those heart melting smiles to creep onto his face.

"Yeah," I finally croaked out. "I think I'm fine. Who was that guy and what's his damage?"

Edward removed his hands from my hand and shoulder, seemingly convinced that I was no longer about to fall over. (Again.) "For lack of a better term," he replied, "Pat is the town drunk. Ask your dad about him – he's been in the city lockup more times than anyone around here cares to count."

I nodded.

"So, hey," Edward said. "About that walk I mentioned. Are you going to be too tired to join me tonight?"

"I don't think so," I replied. "Do you have a designated rendezvous point?"

Edward laughed. If gold velvet was real and could be a sound, that would be the sound of Edward's laugh. "I'll meet you at your place again. 2am?"

I smiled and nodded. "Cool beans," I replied. "Just hope I don't fall down too much. You might have to spend your time picking me up."

Edward shrugged. "It sure beats the alternative."

"What's that?"

"Bringing home the police chief's daughter with a broken leg or a mangled arm."

"How in the world would I get a mangled arm?"

"Bear attack? If you fall down enough, they're going to see you as easy prey."

I playfully slapped Edward on the arm. He mock fell to the ground, holding onto the counter as he went.

"2am, Cullen," I said, pushing my way back through the door to the dining room as I saw Charlie return to his table.

"I'll bring my bear spray," he replied.


	5. in the open road

**A/N: Just a quick note to again profess my love for my readers. Even if you haven't reviewed, it makes my day when my Blackberry pings with a new email showing me that someone else has favorite this story. Thanks – and reviews = love too! See my author profile for some more in-depth chattering about **_**Fiercest Calm**_**!**

**This chapter name comes from the Tori Amos song "A Sorta Fairytale" off the Scarlet's Walk album.**

**P.S. How the Fonz do I get the line underneath my author's notes? It's here in my Word doc, but not when I upload the doc to the site. I somehow did it on the first chapter, but ever since then it's missing. Way to drive an OCD girl nuts!**

The rest of my shift at the diner went more quickly than I would have believed if I'd been told so prior to clocking on. I helped Jessica clean the waitress station and then was shown how to count down the till by Jan. I could hear a lot of banging around coming from the kitchen as Edward, the second cook and the dishwasher broke down their equipment and got the kitchen back in order. By 10:30pm, a half hour after Jan had locked the doors, we were all ready to leave.

As I headed to my truck, waving goodbye to Jessica and Jan, I saw Edward straddling and starting up a gorgeous beast of a motorcycle – a slick black Indian Chief Dark Horse. I watched as he slipped on a helmet that resembled a cap, then got the bike running. I couldn't help it – I was mesmerized, though I wasn't sure if it was with the bike (although Phil had never owned a motorcycle, he was enough of an aficionado that we'd gone to a few bike shows in Phoenix) or with the gorgeous creature atop it.

Edward looked up and caught my eye. He smiled that same crooked smile (a song lyric whizzed through my brain in that split moment - _disarm you with a smile_) and tapped an imaginary watch on his wrist, as though to remind me of our "date." Then he put both hands on the handlebars and took off out of the parking lot.

If people could swoon anymore these days, not only would I be the one that could do it, but I would've also done it right there. Good gravy, I thought to myself as I climbed into my truck, what was coming over me? I started up the truck, frightening off a cat that had ventured towards the doors of the diner, and headed home.

I had a million questions swimming in my head as I drove back to the house. The questions remained, even as I came inside, woke Charlie from the couch and urged him to bed, changed out of my work clothes and settled into bed in my comfortable sweats. Who was this guy anyway and what the hell business did he have invading my thoughts in this kind of way? I'd never obsessed over any guy before. In fact, the only guy that had held my interest for more than a moment or two in Phoenix had turned out to be gay. So what was it about Edward that seemed to, for lack of a better term, have my panties so securely wadded into a bunch?

Furthermore, how the hell could he afford a nearly $30,000 motorcycle on a diner cook's wage? That thought made me wonder more about who he was and what his story was – did he have a family here in Forks? Was he a long-time resident or a relative newcomer? Why was he working at the diner if he could clearly afford a vehicle that was more than his yearly salary? I really wished that I had even thought to or had the time to have asked Jessica if she knew anything about Edward that she could share with me. She seemed like she could talk your ear off if you let her – I reminded myself to do that tomorrow night before the dinner rush came in.

Since the answers to my millions of silent questions weren't going to be answered anytime soon, I set the alarm on my cell phone for 1:45am (on quiet, so as not to wake Charlie) and then curled up under the sheets of my bed. I didn't expect sleep to come as quickly as it did, but before I knew it, I was out.

* * * * * * * * *

I woke to the sound of my phone beeping in my ear. Sleep had descended on me so quickly that I hadn't put my phone up on my nightstand like I'd intended. Instead, it was underneath my face, vibrating and beeping in anticipation of me waking up to shut it off. I turned off the alarm and stood up. It was 1:45am on the nose and Edward would be here in fifteen minutes.

I changed out of my sweats and into a pair of blue jeans, a light blue v-neck long-sleeved tee and my favorite blue hoodie. I giggled and wondered if Edward would be able to guess what my favorite color was.

After a cursory look at myself in the small mirror in my room, and a quick brush pulled through my hair before I put it up into a messy ponytail, I headed quietly down the stairs. I could hear Charlie snoring in his room, so I hoped he'd stay asleep and not notice my departure. Thinking on that, I went back upstairs, stepped back in my room and scrawled a quick to him.

_Dad, had a rough night's sleep and decided to take a walk. I'll be home soon and I have my cell phone with me. – Bella_

I taped it to my door. I supposed he would probably still be a little mad when he'd realized that I'd gone for a walk so late at night, but it was better than him finding me missing and not know where I'd gone. I headed back downstairs and grabbed my house keys and, after a moment's hesitation, my cigarettes and lighter. I already had a clear idea that Edward wasn't keen on smoking, but I'd rather have them with me than not and want them.

Stepping outside, I was surprised at the brightness of the full moon ahead. I shut the door behind me and re-locked the door. Edward was already standing at my truck, leaning against the driver's side door, facing the front of the house. I smiled at him and bounded down the front steps of the house.

"Hey there," he said. He was wearing a tee under his black leather jacket and a pair of dark jeans. Normally, I found leather jackets to be a cliché attempt at rebellion. When he wore it, though, it fit. Well. I averted my eyes quickly before he could become aware of the blush creeping up my neck to my cheeks.

"Hi," I replied. "So. Where to?"

"Well," he said, as we started heading down the street, "I usually just wander. I don't really have a plan of where to go most of the time. Did you want to go anywhere in particular?"

I shrugged. "I don't know the town that well yet, so I wouldn't know where to go."

Edward nodded and we slipped into a silence that, in any other situation, might have felt awkward. Instead, it felt incredibly natural to be in step beside him, the only sound between us our breathing and our feet on the ground. It was soothing and I began to understand what he had meant that first night when he'd explained his walks.

The silence lasted about ten minutes and it was Edward that broke it. "I think I heard around why you'd moved to Forks, but I don't remember. Was it too warm in Phoenix for you?"

I looked down at my feet, watching them move along the road. "No, it wasn't that. My mom had breast cancer and she died a few months ago."

Edward cleared his throat. "I'm very sorry," he said.

I shrugged. "She was sick for about a year. I'm sad, but I'm glad she's not in pain anymore."

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"Are _you_ in pain about it anymore?"

His question struck me silent. I had been bottling up a lot of my emotions about my mother's death and hadn't really approached this one yet. I felt Edward's expectant eyes on my face while he waited for my response.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm being intrusive. You don't have to answer."

"No, no," I replied. "It's okay. I really should be dealing with this more, I guess, instead of keeping it all inside." I stuffed my hands into the single pocket of my hoodie. "I suppose I am still in pain over it. So much of my life was on hold, you know, waiting for her to die. Now that she's gone, not only do I miss her, but I don't know what to expect out of life anymore. You know, so much was wrapped up in her…her ending. I don't know what to do with myself."

Edward was silent and I wondered if I'd said too much, opened up too much to a near stranger.

"My parents died when I was ten," he said, looking up at the moon above us. "I still feel the way you do sometimes. They weren't sick – they died in a fire. But I spent so much of my time after their death wondering what was next. Instead of just…moving on, I guess. I still find myself wondering what will happen next, with regards to my parents, and forgetting that life is right here, waiting for me to live it."

I opened my mouth to speak, but Edward stopped abruptly in the middle of the road and pointed ahead of us.

"There's the park," he said. "They have swings. Want to stop?"

I laughed. "Yes," I said. "Let's hit up those swings."

We stepped off the road and onto the grass of the park, moist with dew beneath our feet. We walked silently to the playground area, where we both took a seat and began to swing. I enjoyed the way the air felt beneath my legs as I pumped to go higher and higher. My hair whizzed past my ears as I looked over at Edward. He seemed to be enjoying this as much as I was.

"You know, Edward," I said, breaking the silence between us, "I realize that for intents and purposes, you are utterly a stranger to me. This walk may not have been the wisest choice for me to make. How do I know you aren't going to drag me off into the bushes and have your way with me?"

Edward laughed the same velvet laugh I'd heard before. "There's no good response to that statement, you know, right? If I say that I wouldn't do that, you might be offended that I didn't find you attractive. If I suggested, even jokingly, that I might like to do that, you could be offended that I was jumping to such a conclusion so quickly after only one date."

I blushed. "So, this is a date?"

Edward leaned his cheek against the chain of the swing. "I suppose that's the best description of it, if you don't mind."

"Nah, I don't mind," I replied. "So, for the sake of making pleasantries and ensuring that you are no longer a total stranger, why don't you tell me a little more about yourself?"

Edward stopped pumping his legs, letting the swing slow down its momentum. I did the same. He paused for a moment, then spoke.

"Well, you already know that my parents died in a fire, when I was ten. My sister Alice was 12 and my brother Emmett was 15 when it happened. My parents' only family was my mother's much younger brother, my uncle Carlisle. He was only 23 at the time, and newly married, but he took us all in and adopted us as his own. We lived with him in Chicago while he finished his degree and went to medical school. We've lived in Forks for three years now, when he got the job at the hospital here."

Edward looked over at me. I was intrigued, not only by his story, but by the sound of his voice. I waved my hand in an urging for him to continue.

"My aunt Esme is a lawyer. She provides legal services to the poor, especially those on the neighboring reservations. My sister, Alice, just completed her degree in social sciences. She's engaged and she and Jasper are looking into joining the Peace Corps. Emmett, my brother, was a pro football player until just about a year ago – he was hurt pretty badly in a game and hasn't been able to play since. He and his wife Rosalie run a foundation for regional child burn victims."

"Wow," I breathed. "You have such an interesting family."

Edward shrugged. "Everyone's pretty much found their calling in life – something that they can do for a living that not only provides further to the Cullen wealth, but also sates their own well-being." Edward put his hand to his mouth quickly, an expression of surprise on his face. "Oh!" he said. "I…I didn't mean for that to come out like that."

"The Cullen wealth?" I asked.

"Yeah," he replied, looking at the ground. Our swings had long since stopped. "I don't like to talk about it, really, but there's a lot of long-standing wealth in our family. It's not a big deal, really."

"Oh," I said. "I suppose that explains the motorcycle, then."

Edward laughed. "Yeah," he replied. "I don't like to flaunt things, like our money, but I do like motorcycles. I splurged on that one earlier this year."

"It's nice," I said. "But it doesn't explain why, if you're so wealthy, why you're working as a cook at the Dew Drop Inn."

"No, I suppose it doesn't," he said after a moment of staring at his hands, folded neatly in his lap. "And it might sound dumb, but I really just don't know what my calling is yet. Everyone in my family knew what they were going to do, even long before they graduated high school. They have some kind of emotional tug to the work they do. Me? I don't know if I'm going to find mine."

"So the diner is just a diversion until then?"

"No, no," he said. "It serves a purpose."

There was silence until I spoke. "What purpose?"

"My mother loved to bake. I loved to help her. So, I thought I'd try cooking for awhile. And, if I enjoy it, maybe I'll go to culinary school." He almost looked a little embarrassed at this statement, choosing to study his hands intently again.

"So, do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Do you like it?"

Edward smiled then and looked up at me. "So far? Yeah, I do."

I smiled back at him. "Then good for you."

For a brief moment, we stared straight into each other's eyes, neither of us blinking. Again, what could've been an awkward moment was, in reality, not.

Edward stood and reached his hand out to help me up from my swing. "Come on," he said. "I should probably get you back home."

I looked down at my watch and realized that it was after four in the morning. "Oh!" I exclaimed and took his hand.

The same electric shock took hold of me and, startled, I stumbled a bit. I fell forward into Edward's chest, but he caught me deftly before I could knock the two of us over. I realized that the distance between us was nearly non-existent and I felt my pulse quicken.

Edward looked down at me, a good humor in his topaz eyes. "I see that we need to get you some training wheels for those legs of yours."

I laughed and was pleased that he had not released me from his hold. I was close enough to breathe in his scent, mixed with the smell of the leather from his jacket. I looked up at him, enjoying the rough feel of his hands on mine.

He leaned his face forward and rested his forehead on mine. "Come on," he said, quietly. "Let's get you home before I inadvertently break the police chief's daughter."

I was unable to speak for a moment, afraid that my lips would betray me and reach out hungrily for his. "Yes," I said, finally. Reluctantly, I stepped away from him. He did not let go of my hand.

He did not let go of it until we reached my doorstep, fifteen minutes later.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow," he said. "And, perhaps, another walk?"

"I'd like that," I replied. "I'll see you tomorrow."

He released my hand then, his fingers trailing slowly down mine as he did. Then he stepped down the front stairs and crunched across the driveway until he reached the street. Before he was out of view, he turned and waved. I waved back, then turned to go inside.

Tomorrow. Suddenly, I couldn't wait.


	6. landslide of principle

**A/N: Once again, friends, reviews are love and you all rock my world. Many thanks to the story pimpage by xvampiree in her own story, Publicity Romance. I feel the love, girl, I do!**

**This chapter's title is taken from the Tori Amos song "Professional Widow," on the Boys for Pele album. A masterpiece, that album is.**

**Check out my author profile for visual stimulation, if you so desire it.**

**P.S. So many of Bella's little quirks here are my own – late nights on the swings, falling asleep on cell phones and hoodies, hoodies galore. Well, they say to write what you know, right?**

I awoke to the sound of my phone in my ear again. I had felt so energized after my walk with Edward, but I nearly fell into bed when I got into my room. Charlie had not noticed my absence, so I'd peeled the note off my door and pushed it into the pocket of my jeans. I'd only roused briefly, an hour after my arrival home, when I heard Charlie getting up.

That aside, my phone was still going off in my ear – I'd fallen asleep not only in my clothing, but on top of my phone. I thought it was an alarm at first, but when I pulled it out from under me I realized that it was both 9am and that it was not an alarm. Someone was calling me from the diner.

"Hello?" I answered, trying to mask my grogginess.

"Bella? Bella, is that you?" Jan's voice filled my ears with her cheerfulness, even at this hour.

"Yes, Jan, it's me," I replied. I sat up in bed. "What do you need?"

"Oh, Bella," she said, "I'm so sorry to wake you. And this is going to sound like such an odd request – you've only been with us for a day, but I need a huge favor from you."

"Shoot," I said.

"Our last delivery was messed up," she continued. "A bunch of items that we're running really low on were delivered to the wrong place. I didn't realize it until the driver was gone – I just wasn't paying attention like I should have been."

"Okay?" I asked, urging her for more information.

"Well, the driver can't bring the stuff back for me for another three days and we really need to-go boxes now," she said. "I know that you've got that big truck and I wondered if you could run down to Quinault and pick up the stuff from the Lodge."

Ah, I got it now. "I can do that," I told Jan. "But what about my shift?" Although I wouldn't say it out loud, I was happy to help, but disappointed that I might miss out on working with Edward.

"If you can do this," she said, "you're welcome to come in a bit late for your shift and I'll pay you for the whole night, plus gas. It's about an hour's drive to Quinault and, I figure, an hour to pick up and an hour back. Plus some time for potty breaks and lunch. You could come in at seven instead of two."

By the end, Jan was talking nearly a mile a minute. She sounded excited – and hopeful. I muffled a giggle at her use of the term "potty breaks."

"Sure, Jan," I said. "I'd be happy to help. How much is there to bring back?"

"Quite a few boxes, I'm afraid," she replied. "I've asked Edward to go along with you, if you don't mind. He's been to the Lodge before, so he'll be able to show you the way and help with the loading."

At the sound of his name, I felt my cheeks redden. I almost giggled, but thankfully remembered that I was still on the phone with Jan. "No problem," I told her. "How will I get a hold of Edward?"

"Oh, I gave him your number," she said. "He'll probably be calling you shortly. Thank you so much, dear, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!"

The words "appreciate" and "it" were cut off by the beep of the call waiting. "Oh, Jan," I said, "I think that's Edward calling now." I looked down at the screen of my phone – sure enough, it was a strange local number. "I'll call you when we reach Quinault and are on our way back."

"Fantastic," she replied. "And thanks again – so much!"

I said goodbye to Jan quickly and then clicked over to the other call. "Hello?"

"Hi, Bella? This is Edward."

At the sound of his voice, my face felt even hotter than it did before. "Hello, Edward," I replied. "I just got off the phone with Jan."

"So are we headed to the Lodge?"

"We are, it seems," I replied. "Does this count as date number two or is this strictly business?"

Edward laughed. "If this is a date, it's a lousy one. If you count this as date number two, I take absolutely no credit for it."

I laughed as well. "So," I said, "I'd give you directions to my place, but you already know where I live."

"Yes," he replied. "And I'm already here."

There was a sudden knock at my front door and I jumped up from the bed, startled. "You're what?"

"I'm already here," he repeated.

"Oh no," I said. "I look like garbage."

"Whatever," Edward replied. "You're probably still beautiful."

There was an awkward silence as I both tried to comprehend what I'd just heard Edward say (in stereo, since I could hear him now through my phone and from outside the front door) and as my heart skipped a few more beats than I thought was humanly possible.

"I just said that out loud, didn't I?" Edward said, quietly.

"You did," I replied. "Are you going to take it back?" I made my way down the stairs and to the front door. I opened it before he could respond on the telephone.

Edward looked at me as the door swung open. "Nope," he replied, flipping his phone closed with a snap. He smiled, sheepishly.

"Come on in," I said, my voice wavering a bit. I felt nervous. And, I'd decided, it tasted like a baby dragon had died in my mouth overnight.

Edward's eyes did not leave me as he stepped inside and closed the door. He was still wearing the same leather jacket from last night, but he had changed into a pair of khaki carpenter pants and a grey v-neck sweater. The sweater was not form-fitting, but I could tell that it hugged him perfectly in places that I'd like to get my hands on. The thought brought a fresh blush to my face.

"So," he said, cutting through the silence, "slept in your clothes, huh?"

I looked down at my rumpled hoodie and jeans. "Yeah," I replied. "I was pretty tired when I got home."

"I'm sorry I kept you out so late," he said. "I'd promise not to do it again, but I'm not a fan of making promises that I will likely blatantly break."

I stared at him.

"Sorry," he said, ducking his head. "I'm acting like a fool."

I shook my head. "No," I said. "I don't mind. I like fools."

Edward looked up and smiled. He stepped closer to me and pushed a stray hair from my face. "I have to say, you pull off the disheveled look well."

"Thank you," I replied breathlessly. He was close enough to smell again and I savored every breath I took. "I should get ready. Do I have time for a quick shower?"

Edward nodded and I bounded back up the stairs to my room. I grabbed a change of clothes and then stepped into the bathroom. As the door shut behind me and I reached for the faucet, I realized that Edward Cullen was downstairs.

And I was getting naked in my shower.

Naughty thoughts filled my mind, but I pushed them away as I quickly bathed. Once done, I stepped out and dried off, then dressed. I ran the blow dryer over my hair until it was no longer dripping, but still damp. I brushed it out, ran some gloss over my lips and headed back downstairs.

I was halfway down the stairs when I smelled coffee. Edward stood at the kitchen counter, pulling two travel mugs from the cupboard. He turned as I entered and smiled.

"I hope you don't mind," he said. "But someone kept me up awful late last night and I thought I'd make some coffee for the road." He filled up one of the mugs and started to fill the second one.

"Wait!" I said and put my hand on his arm to stop him. A splatter of coffee made it into the mug, but his hand stopped the pour.

I reached up into the cupboard and pulled out a package of cocoa mix, then took the coffee pot from Edward's hands. "I prefer mine with a little flavor." I poured the powder into the cup, added coffee to about halfway and stirred with a spoon from the clean dishes still drying on the counter. Then I grabbed some milk from the fridge, added just the right amount, then added more coffee and stirred again.

"So," Edward said, "this is like a science to you?"

"More like an art," I replied, putting the lid on the mug. I placed the lid on Edward's mug and handed it to him. "Besides, what's up with this? I thought the Pacific Northwest was known for its coffee, anyway. I haven't seen a single Starbucks since Aberdeen."

Edward chuckled. "You just need to know where to look. There's good coffee lurking everywhere."

"Well, I have yet to find it," I said. "And it doesn't even have to be Starbucks. I'm just partial. Even though I prefer my coffee to ensure that I'll be diabetic at 21, I still like to taste the actual coffee underneath all the chocolate."

Edward laughed and swirled his coffee around in his mug. "You ready?"

I picked up my purse from the counter. "I just need to write a note for Charlie and then, yes, I'm ready."

"Charlie?"

I blushed. "Yeah, it's weird referring to him as Dad, I don't know why. I think it's because I spent so much time hearing my mother refer to him that way."

Edward nodded, seeming – strangely enough – to understand. I scrawled a quick note to Charlie, detailing my expedition south and taped it to the door of the fridge. In the back of my mind, I doubted its necessity – I just bet that he'd find out from Jan or someone else before he made it home.

Edward and I walked out of the house and, after I turned and locked the door behind me, we headed for my truck. Edward's motorcycle was parked as far off to the side as possible. He'd even covered it, in case of rain – which, if my assessment of the skies was correct, was imminent. Surprise, surprise.

I pointed to the motorcycle. "I could've picked you up, you know," I said. "Then your bike could've stayed at your place."

Edward shrugged. "No big deal," he replied. He opened the passenger side door and looked at me expectantly. "You getting in?"

I looked at him, gripping my keys in my hand. "I figured I'd drive," I said.

"But I know the way," he replied.

"But I need to figure it out anyway," I bantered back.

Edward stepped over to me and put his hand on mine, the one that held my keys. "But I want to."

His hand on mine was warm, rough and, as usual, electrifying. I stammered out a weak response. "But it's my truck."

"And it would be my pleasure to drive such a fine representation of American vehicular craftsmanship."

I laughed loudly and handed him the keys. "Fine, you win," I said. "You and your big words, Cullen."

Edward smiled as he palmed the keys. "Whatever, _Swan._"

I jumped into the passenger side of the truck and he into the driver's side. As he revved up the engine, I got the fluttery feeling in my stomach that, for the first time since I was small, I was off on an adventure.

The drive south on 101 was full of conversation, a light-hearted banter that seemed to flow easily between the two of us. Edward grilled me on everything – he wanted to know my favorite color (blue, but he'd already guessed that, he told me), my astrological sign (Virgo – Edward informed me that he was a Gemini-Cancer cusp), whether I'd had my chart done (I hadn't), my life in Phoenix, my relationship with my mother and Phil, my favorite board game (Trouble with the Pop-o-Matic bubble)…the barrage of questions seemed almost endless.

We were pulling into the lodge, a beautiful expansive building settled within the trees alongside a lake, when he asked me one last question.

"Were you there when your mother died?"

I swallowed. Hard. I looked down at my hands.

"I'm so sorry," Edward said, his words rushed. "I'm prying too much. I shouldn't have asked that."

"No," I replied as he cut the engine of the truck. "It's all right. I need to talk about this more, like I said the other night. If I don't talk about it, it'll just keep eating me alive." I took a deep breath. "Yes, I was there when my mother died."

Edward didn't press for any further details and I silently thanked him for it. Instead, he unbuckled his seat belt and opened his door. "Come on," he said. "We should get inside."

I nodded. I unbuckled and opened my door, then stepped out. It had been toasty and warm inside the truck and the cool air outside hit my chest like a ton of bricks. I shivered and pulled my coat closer.

"Isn't it summertime?" I asked Edward jokingly as we walked through the parking lot towards the lodge's entrance.

"Looks can be deceiving," he replied. "This is actually quite pleasant."

"For who? Cavemen and Eskimos?" I asked.

Edward looked over at me and laughed. "Polar bears are making quite a comeback in these parts."

I laughed as well, but it was cut off by the sound of someone shouting behind us.

"Hey!" a voice said. "Hey, you two!"

Edward and I turned to see a teenaged boy, lanky and clearly Native American by the looks of his russet skin and long black hair. He was running towards us.

"Hello?" I said.

"Oh, Edward," the boy said, recognizing my companion.

"Hello, Jacob," Edward replied. "What are you doing here?"

The boy, Jacob, smiled. "I'm here with my father. Some Bureau of Indian Affairs stuff for the tribe." The boy looked at me. "Are you Chief Swan's daughter?"

I nodded. "I am. I'm Bella."

The boy stuck out his hand and I took it, shaking it once. "I'm Jacob Black. Your dad bought that truck from my dad. I'd recognize it anywhere." He smiled. "I helped fix it up."

I could tell that he was proud of his handiwork. "Well, it runs like a champ," I said. "You did a great job."

Jacob's smile grew wider and I couldn't help but return it. "I need to get back to Dad, but I just wanted to say hello. Maybe I'll see you next time your dad comes by."

"Maybe," I replied. "It was nice to meet you."

Jacob waved as he turned and hurried back in the other direction, towards a man in a wheelchair near the water's edge.

Edward and I resumed our walk to the lodge's entrance. "So, who's this Jacob?" I asked.

Edward shrugged. "One of the Quileute tribesmembers from La Push. My aunt has worked closely with his dad, Billy, in the past on some legal projects." We approached the door to the lodge and Edward pushed it open, allowing me to enter first. "They're a good family. Your dad is lucky to count them as friends."

I nodded and we made our way to the front desk of the lodge. From there, our manner became business again – Edward and I were directed to the lodge's restaurant kitchen where we were pointed in the direction of Jan's misdirected supplies. She was right. There were a lot of large boxes.

We spent the next half hour after that with a handtruck, ferrying the supplies from the kitchen to my truck. Once we were done, I was sweaty enough that I remarked that I'd need another shower. Edward concurred, as he wiped sweat from his own brow. During the process of loading my truck, he had taken off his leather jacket. I was pleased to note that his shirt certainly did hug all kinds of lovely places on his body, confirming my thoughts earlier in the day.

When we were done, Edward leaned against the back of my truck and watched as I took a drag off of a decidedly stale cigarette. His eyebrows furrowed as he watched me inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.

"So, what's with the smoking," he asked when I was about halfway through my Marlboro.

I exhaled a long puff of smoke and shrugged. "I picked it up while Mom was in the hospital. Sometimes I just had to get away from her room and I found that pacing the hallway floors did me no good."

Edward nodded. "I guess I understand, but it's still pretty gross."

"It is," I replied. "I think I'll be quitting soon."

His eyebrows raised. "Why's that?"

A blush crept up my neck. "I have my reasons," I replied coyly.

Edward stepped closer to me. He took the now nearly finished cigarette out of my hand, tossed it to the ground and crushed it out under his shoe. "I hear kissing a smoker is like sucking an ashtray," he said. He stepped even closer to me. I could feel the heat radiating off of his body.

"That's what they say," I replied, my brain killing any chance of a witty retort with Edward this close to me.

Edward placed one hand on my cheek and leaned his forehead to mine. The electric shock was instantaneous. I struggled against my baser instincts to close what little distance there was between us in that moment.

"I guess I wouldn't know," he said, in a low voice. "I've never kissed a smoker."

And then he leaned in, filling the final gap between our faces with his lips. "Until now," he replied.

His lips were warm and firm on mine and I couldn't help but part mine in response to his kiss. I was taken over by the swell of warmth to my face as I returned the kiss, his tongue daring to dart into my mouth where I met it with mine. His other hand reached to cup the other side of my face and I felt my hands, working on their own volition at this point, hooking my fingers into the belt loops of his pants to pull him closer to me.

Edward backed up slowly, never removing his lips from mine, until we he was against the back of my truck. There, we continued the kiss – slow and purposeful, but full of a heated need that seemed to radiate off of us both. My legs straddled one of his as he continued to pursue my mouth with his tongue and I continued to respond in kind. My breathing became ragged and my heartrate skyrocketed.

Breathless, Edward ended our kiss with two or three smaller ones directly onto my scorched lips – how many there were, I lost count. In my addled brain, all I could think of was the feel of his skin on my face and the warmth emanating from his lips.

We broke apart, quite reluctantly it seemed on both our parts and then looked into each other's eyes. Edward's face was serious for a moment, seeming to look for something in my eyes. Then, his seriousness was broken with a smile and a laugh.

"What?" I asked, worried.

"That was," he replied, "quite possibly, the greatest kiss ever. Aside from the ashtray part."

I swatted at his arm. "Bastard," I said.

"Ashtray," he replied. I threw my head back and laughed. In response, Edward snaked an arm around my back and pulled me back to him.

"I don't mind so much," he said in that low voice again and crushed his lips back onto mine.


	7. never seen blue

**A/N: So, to start with as always, I love the reviews. LOVE LOVE LOVE them. If I could be that crazy lady from the SNL skit, I would be – kicking my legs up in the air from my seat screaming, "I love it love it love it!"**

**Second, it felt like this chapter took forever to write. Not because I didn't have the ideas rolling around in my head, but because I was so busy with life this week. Work, home, kiddo, husband…it all rolls right along and sometimes it's hard to keep up. Nicely enough, this is my diversion when the rest of the house is asleep.**

**The title of this chapter is also the title of a b-side to Tori Amos's 1998 album, From the Choirgirl Hotel – which is my favorite of all of her albums, by the way.**

"_That was," he replied, "quite possibly, the greatest kiss ever. Aside from the ashtray part."_

_I swatted at his arm. "Bastard," I said._

"_Ashtray," he replied. I threw my head back and laughed. In response, Edward snaked an arm around my back and pulled me back to him._

"_I don't mind so much," he said in that low voice again and crushed his lips back onto mine._

This kiss, our second, knocked the wind out of me with its sheer force, its unrelenting hunger. I placed my hands on either side of Edward, feeling the cool steel of my truck's frame beneath them. I enjoyed the feeling of locking him in, of possessing him in some strange little way. He hadn't shaved and his rough facial skin rubbed me in ways that seemed deliciously naughty. If I could've flushed anymore, I would have. However, at the moment, it felt like every ounce of blood in my body had already made a beeline for my head.

Our kiss broke reluctantly again and Edward leaned back against my truck. He tucked a stray hair behind my ear and smiled.

"It's a long way back," he said. "We should get started."

I nodded, releasing him from the prison that my arms had made for him against the back end of my truck. We split ways and each got in on either side of the truck – he in the driver's side, I on the passenger's.

"What?" Edward asked as he started the engine. "No fight over who's driving this time?"

I shrugged. "It seems to me that you're quite the master manipulator. I think you just kissed me to make me take my mind off of wanting to drive."

Edward laughed, then looked at me with serious eyes. "Now, that's not true," he said. "I kissed you because I wanted to."

I smiled. "I sure hope so. Because if that was something that you _didn't_ want to do, then I'm putting you up for an Academy Award."

Edward laughed again, but his eyes stayed serious. "I've wanted that moment since I first laid eyes on you."

I blushed and looked down at my hands. We were already on the 101, headed north back to Forks, and the truck was bouncy from the recent chip seal that had been placed on the roads. "Really?"

"Really."

There was a shift in the mood of the truck cab then, a strange pull that I couldn't quite put my finger on. As though Edward were a magnet, I felt the intense desire to be closer to him. Right. Now. I unbuckled and shifted over the long seat towards him, rebuckling with the middle seat belt. I laid my head on his shoulder as he drove.

"I don't know how to explain it, Bella," he said, and I loved the way my name sounded as it rolled off of his tongue. "I've never felt this way before in my life. I feel like I could, quite possibly, tell you just about anything and you wouldn't judge me. You'd listen."

He looked down at me from the steering wheel, to where my dark hair splayed across his sweater. He smiled and continued. "I've known girls before, I won't lie. I've even thought I was in love. But none of them ever made me feel the way I do when I'm with you."

He paused. "I sound like a freak."

I shook my head, laying my hand on his leg and mindlessly twiddling my fingers across the grain of his carpenter pants. "You don't. I feel the same way. I can't describe it and it seems so…so strange and absurd. I've known you for all of a few days and I can't seem to get you out of my head."

I could almost feel Edward's grin against my hair. "Well," he replied, "at least if it comes down to it, we know that we're both freaks."

* * * * *

We were quiet most of the way back to Forks, the silence peppered only with Edward's unrelenting questions. When I felt I had told him as much as I could, I asked him to tell me more about himself. He had finished high school in Forks, he said, but hadn't been very social. It was a small town, though, so he at least knew _of_ almost everyone, even if he didn't know them all very well.

He didn't miss Chicago much. He had started to hate the city; it reminded him too much of his parents. He was happy when his uncle had suggested the move to Forks – his brother and sister had already graduated and gone off to college, so it was just Edward, Carlisle and Esme at first. He enjoyed the quiet of the woods – it had helped him to finally start to heal. He still thought about his parents every day, but he knew that he was finally moving on.

"What you said," I asked him when we were nearly back to Forks, "about having been with other girls. Did you really think you were in love?"

Edward sighed and I saw his hands tighten a bit on the wheel. "There was one girl," he replied. "Tanya. She and her family moved here from Alaska at the same time we came in from Chicago. It was brief." He shook his head. "She broke my heart, but I realized later that I had never fully given it to her anyway."

I nodded into Edward's shoulder. We were entering Forks city limits and I was saddened to see our road trip coming to an end.

We were quiet again until we pulled up to the diner. I had shifted back to the passenger's side of my truck, not wanting to give the entire town an eyeful of what would surely turn into the gossip item of the week. When we were parked, we set to unloading the supplies for Jan, who rushed out to meet us.

"Oh, you kids!" she exclaimed, wiping her hands on her apron. "Thank you so much. I can't tell you how much this helps."

"Not a problem at all, Jan," Edward said, hefting two boxes down onto the handtruck that Jan had brought with her. "We were just glad to help."

It took us about a half hour to unload the boxes into the diner. When we were done, Edward and I piled back into my truck. It was nearing 2pm - we both had five hours until Jan was expecting us back at the diner for our closing shifts.

When we arrived back at my house, Edward parked the truck in its spot and hopped out. He started to head straight to his motorcycle when I stopped him. Charlie wasn't home yet and, damn it, I wasn't done spending time with Edward.

"Um," I said. "Did you want to come in and clean up before heading home? I can make us some more coffee."

Edward put down the motorcycle cover, replacing it back onto the bike. "Sure," he said. "I think I'd like that."

We entered the house just as my cell phone began to ring. Looking at the caller ID, I knew that I had to take it.

"It's Phil," I told Edward. "I'm sorry, this will only be a few minutes."

"No worries," he replied. "I'll put the coffee on."

I answered the phone on the third ring, sitting down onto the couch. "Hey, Phil!" I said cheerfully.

"Bells," he sighed into the phone. "It's so good to hear your voice."

"You too," I replied. "How are things?"

There was a pause before Phil responded. "They're…they're all right. Not much going on around here. Just me and the garden."

I frowned. "What about baseball?"

"Oh," Phil said. "I think I'm about done with playing ball."

"What?" I replied, incredulous. "Why?"

"I don't know," he said. I could hear Edward in the kitchen, rummaging through cupboards. "I guess my heart's just not in it anymore."

"But what will you do?" I asked, my voice edging slightly on hysteria. I had been counting on Phil's baseball to bring him back around, to help him to heal from losing my mother.

"Oh, I'll find something to fill my time with," he said. "Don't worry too much about me. I like spending all this time in the garden. Things are going great."

I sighed. "Phil," I said, "You need to get out. This isn't healthy."

Phil laughed and it sounded strange, strangled even. "I'll be _fine_, Bella," he replied. "Now, how about you? How're things in Forks?"

I tried to mask the confusion and fear on my face as Edward came into the room and handed me a mug full of hot coffee. I must not have done a very good job because he looked at me, questioningly. I waved him off with a weak smile.

"Things are good here," I said. "I had my first shift at the diner and I work again tonight. I'm meeting some very nice people." I smiled again at Edward, this time with a little more enthusiasm. He smiled back, his face still concerned.

"Ahh," Phil replied. "That sounds great. I bet you don't miss me or Phoenix at all."

I gasped. "Of course I do!" I replied. "I most certainly miss you!"

I could almost hear Phil shaking his head. "Naw," he said. "You're going to be just fine. Just fine." At that moment, I couldn't tell if he was reassuring me or himself.

"Phil," I started, but he cut me off.

"No, no," he said. "I should let you get back to what you've got going on there. I need to get back to the garden anyway. Mother Nature is a demanding mistress." He laughed again, that strange laugh that made me wince.

"But, Phil," I said.

"I'll talk to you again soon," he said quietly. "Bye, Bella."

"Bye," I said and hung up the phone after he did. I set my cup of coffee down on the table in front of me and buried my face in my hands before Edward could see the tears spilling over.

"Oh hell, Bella," he said, rushing to my side. "What's wrong?"

"It's all wrong," I replied, sobbing. "I feel so guilty for leaving Phil there by himself. He's so…he's so sad and alone. What have I done?"

Edward put his around my shoulders and pulled me closer to him. "You've done nothing wrong," he said quietly. "Phil is a grown man. He can take care of himself."

I sobbed louder. "But what if he can't? What then?"

There was silence between us. "Well," Edward said in response, "that's not up to you. If you spend your entire life worrying about the 'what-ifs' then you'll never truly be living life. You'll always be looking over your shoulder, worrying about the monsters you can't see."

I sighed, wiping the tears from my face. Edward shifted in his seat so he could look at me. He moved my hands from my cheeks and wiped away the last of my tears. His hands were warm on my face and he held one hand to my cheek, cupping it. I leaned into it, enjoying the comfort I found in it.

I don't know how long we sat there like that. I grew aware of how quiet the house was around us, how even Edward's breathing was. I reached out and curled my fingers around the hand that cupped my face and held them there. Edward leaned his forehead to mine and we stayed there, frozen in that moment.

* * * * *

He washed up in my bathroom; I could hear the splashing of water in the sink as he presumably washed his hands and face. He came downstairs, his bronze hair messy as always, to where I still sat on the couch. With Edward's departure from my side, I had curled up under a fleece blanket and sat there, staring at nothing, allowing my mind to empty, to wander. He sat next to me on the couch again and I let my head sag to his shoulder.

He didn't speak. I didn't talk. He didn't question and I didn't offer information. We just sat there, together, listening to the other breathing. Perhaps that was all I needed, to hear myself breathe. To hear another person breathe. Whatever it was that I needed, Edward seemed happy to provide it, never once giving me the impression that he had tired of my presence in any fashion.

"Edward," I said finally.

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry about this."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Well, we barely met and here I am, pouring my dysfunctions right onto your lap."

"It's all right, really."

"How is this possibly all right? You should be running away screaming by now."

"I've been told I'm quite masochistic."

"Whoever told you that was quite the judge of character."

"It was Alice, she's generally pretty intuitive."

"Did she also tell you that you'd be hanging out with a nutjob while she has a freakin' breakdown?"

"Alice's intuitiveness is purely subjective. She also thought _Gigli_ would be Ben Affleck's greatest film ever."

"I hope you won some money off of that one."

"Twenty bucks. Emmett made forty."

I laughed and Edward joined me, pulling my face to his. "It's good to hear you laugh," he said quietly. "I like the sound of your laugh."

I smiled and leaned closer to him, pressing my lips to his. "And I like the sound of you shutting up and kissing me," I said with a laugh.

I felt his lips smile against mine as we kissed. The kiss was long and slow, a reminder of our kiss earlier in the day – slow and purposeful. Methodical, even, as though our tongues were having a deep conversation with one another.

I leaned back against the armrest of the couch as the kiss continued, our tongues darting in and out of each other's mouths, my heartrate quickening. I stuck my thumbs through the belt loops of Edward's pants as he shifted himself so that he was lying beside me, his back against the couch cushions. He brought one hand down to the belt loops of my jeans, his index finger hooking under the denim and touching the skin of my stomach. His fingers felt like liquid fire against my skin and I took in a sharp breath as he pulled me even closer to him.

I wrapped one leg around his waist as we continued our exploratory kiss. Edward moved his hand away from my jeans and put his palm on the exposed skin of my side, his thumb resting against the underwire of my bra. I placed my hands on either side of his face and pulled away for a moment to breathe.

Edward took that moment to take advantage of my exposed neck. Peppering kisses beneath my earlobe, he gently worked his thumb underneath my bra, feeling the underside of my breast with his rough finger. I gasped slightly and arched my head back, pressing my chest closer to him – practically begging for more. He reached forward to plant warmer, needier kisses on my collarbone. His warm breath felt ragged against my neck.

His hand removed itself from underneath my bra and instead moved above it, pulling the fabric down to expose my breast underneath my t-shirt. I was glad, now, that I had taken off my hoodie before snuggling underneath the blanket. Edward's hand cupped my breast gently at first, then he rubbed my alert nipple between his thumb and forefinger.

I moaned quietly, pulling my face back to his and enveloping his lips onto mine. I pressed myself firmer against him and, for the first time, felt the strength of his erection behind the zipper of his pants. I brought my hand down to the bulge there and ran my fingers along its length. Edward shuddered and then moaned. I felt myself became wet between my thighs at the sound of my name escaping his swollen, fevered lips.

"Bella," he called, his voice dark with lust. I moaned in response. His lips met my neck again, hot and moist. His hand on my breast remained, pinching my nipple as I ground my hips into the throbbing heat at his groin.

Edward returned the motion, meeting my hips as we rocked together. His erection rubbed deliciously at my clit, smothered beneath layers of denim and cotton, giving it a frustratingly exciting friction. I cried out, my breath heavy, my head swimming.

Edward's lips met mine again and we shifted so that he was beneath me, with my legs straddling his waist from above. I placed the palms of my hands on the armrest of the couch, on either side of his head. Edward snaked both hands underneath my shirt, first unhooking my bra from the back, then cupping a breast in either hand from the front. I rocked back and forth in rhythm with his hips, feeling the heat between us grow.

Edward reached up and slipped my shirt and bra over my head, letting it drop to the floor beside us. Shifting again, his back against the armrest so that he was sitting, he pulled me to him. He dipped his face away from mine to take one of my nipples into his mouth. His tongue danced around it as he lapped and nipped at it. I ground into him harder, suddenly wanting desperately to be rid of this charade and just, for the love of everything holy, take him to my room and let him fuck me.

"Oh god, Edward," I moaned, breathlessly. "I want…"

"I know," Edward breathed, his mouth returning to mine. His chest was rising and falling sharply, as though his heart were beating nearly as fast as mine. "I want you too." He crushed his lips to mine again, his hands coming up to cup my breasts, his fingers twisting my nipples in a sharp ecstasy of pleasure and pain mixed together.

"Then, let's," I started.

"No," he replied.

"No?" I sat back.

"Come back here," he said, pulling me to his lips again. I let him envelop me in another frenzied kiss before I let him continue.

"Don't you dare think it's that I don't want to tear you in half right here, right now," he replied as he lavished his lips against my neck again. I moaned in response to both the kisses and his words. "But I just looked at the time."

I turned to look at the clock on the wall behind us. It was getting late. Charlie would be home soon and I'd need to get ready for the closing shift.

"Damn it," I muttered. "This is hardly fair."

"Fair?"

"You got my shirt off. I didn't get a single stitch of your clothing off."

Edward laughed. He reached down to the floor and retrieved my shirt and bra. I put them on, continuing to straddle his lap and enjoying that his erection had not subsided in the least.

"There's always tonight," he replied. "Another late night walk?"

I leaned down and kissed him, letting my tongue linger against his for a moment before I responded. "Yes," I replied. "But this time we make it fair."

Edward returned my kiss. "Fair enough."

* * * * *


	8. kiss away night

**A/N: Wow. Just wow. Longest chapter so far and, I have to tell you guys, I seriously feel like I need a cold shower. That's what you're in for tonight. Smut-lovers will not be disappointed.**

**This chapter's title comes from the Tori Amos song "Sleeps With Butterflies" on the Beekeeper album. My thanks to the website hereinmyhead(dot)com for helping me with all my lyric needs.**

**Shameful plug – I'm competing in this season's LJ Idol contest on LiveJournal. If you're interested in reading my entries (and voting, if you have an LJ account), you can check out strryeyedgrrl(dot)livejournal(dot)com/tag/therealljidol. It's not Twilight and more than likely will not be smut, but I hope it's worth reading anyway. :)**

*** * * * ***

After a shower and conversing with Charlie when he arrived home, I was on my way back to the diner. I felt as though my nerves were electric wires dangling from the line – a little out of whack and sparking everywhere. My worries about Phil were not forgotten, but I was most certainly preoccupied with other, more salacious and delightful thoughts. I couldn't get the feeling of Edward's hands on my skin out of my head…or, it seemed, out of my girly regions. My whole body seemed to hum like that proverbial live wire.

I parked my truck in the spot next to Edward's motorcycle. As I walked past it, I ran my fingers against the cool leather of its seat. It was still warm.

Once inside, I was immediately immersed in the business that was the closing shift. Jessica was frazzled, having spent the majority of her evening working alone save for the new busser, a girl named Angela. Angela's glasses seemed skewed on her face and she was constantly pushing a loose piece of hair out of her face. Despite having enjoyed my time alone with Edward this afternoon, I felt the tiniest bit bad that it had meant that Jessica hadn't had my help. She practically knocked me over when I walked in.

"Oh my god," she said, thrusting her order book into my hands. "I seriously need a smoke. You can take it from here for a little bit."

So that was how my night at the diner started – me, a little bit startled, and Jessica running off through the kitchen doors. I could hear Edward in the kitchen, giving orders to the other cook and the dishwasher. Things were in disarray, it seemed.

The night flew by quickly. I didn't have any downtime to spend near Edward – there was some kind of gathering in town and it was all I could do to keep the coffee pot full and keep the pie coming to the tables.

When the lights were dimmed, after closing, I found myself sitting in a booth next to Jessica and across from Angela. We were counting out our tips for the evening, doling out a portion to Angela for her help and setting aside a small amount for the kitchen staff. Angela stood, stretched and announced that she was clocking out. Jessica and I waved goodbye to her as she headed through the kitchen to the timeclock. I could hear Edward in the kitchen again, joking with the rest of the staff.

"So," Jessica said. "What's up with that?" She cocked her head to the kitchen.

I wasn't catching her drift. "What?"

She smiled. "Duh. Edward."

I blushed, crimson. "Oh, um, well…"

"I knew it!"

"How could you possibly know anything?"

"Oh come on, Bella. Anytime you guys passed in the kitchen, it was like your eyes were having sex with each other. I felt dirty just watching."

I ducked my head. "It's not much of anything, just yet. We've just spent a lot of time talking is all."

"Bullshit."

I snickered. "It's not like that."

"Riiiiight."

"Really!"

"And I suppose I didn't see his motorcycle parked outside your house on my way to work? Long after you'd dropped off Jan's supplies here?"

"You couldn't have seen that. His bike was covered." I covered my mouth immediately, realizing what I had given away.

Jessica grinned, folding a stack of bills and stuffing them into her apron pocket. "I knew it."

"You know nothing."

"Whatever," she replied, standing. "Just know this – if you manage to bag Edward Cullen, you've just lived the dream of every girl we graduated high school with."

"Wait," I said, grabbing Jessica's arm and pulling her back down to the table. "What was he like? In high school?"

Jessica settled back into the booth seat next to me. "He was quiet," she replied. "Didn't really talk to anyone, except that Tanya girl he dated that year. They didn't last long. He always seemed…I don't know…sad, I guess."

"Even when he was with Tanya?"

Jessica nodded. "Yeah. She was a little weird, all into metaphysical crap and stuff like that. She and her sisters, they were their own clique – they never got to know any of the rest of us. And Edward, it seemed like he just fell in with them, being an outsider like them and all."

I nodded, thinking. I twirled a loose strand of hair in my fingers while Jessica continued. I could see that I was right about her talkative ways.

"I always tried to at least say hello to Edward," she said. "We had the same English class senior year. I thought he was cute, but I was already with Mike, of course. Edward just kept to himself. No one really ever knew much about him, except that his parents were dead and he lived with his aunt and uncle."

In my mind, I pictured this Edward that Jessica was painting for me – sad, quiet and a loner, an outcast. No one got to know him and he hadn't seemed to want to let anyone in, save for Tanya. It pained me to see him this way in my mind's eye.

"He didn't even show up to graduation," Jessica continued on. "I remember because he was supposed to be valedictorian and at the last minute they had to have the next best student come up and give some crazy impromptu speech. At first, we all thought that he'd joined the military – there were some other seniors that shipped out for boot camp before the ceremony. But then he showed up here, on that motorcycle."

Again, in my mind, the Edward that I saw there was alone at home on graduation day, missing his parents. The Edward in these images did not match with the crooked smiling, wisecracking Edward that I had begun to know. The Edward that was in the kitchen right now, hanging up his apron and clocking out. The Edward that would be walking with me in the late night dark tonight. The Edward that had had his hands up my shirt only a few hours ago.

I had a question, though, because I was suddenly confused. "Wait," I said to Jessica. "I thought Edward was around 20. Didn't you just graduate?"

Jessica laughed. "Oh no, you're right. I'm 20 also. I just stayed back here and took community college classes until I got my AA."

I nodded my head and, as Jessica stood, I scooted out from the booth and stood as well. "Jessica, you can keep this a secret, right?"

Jessica pulled her hair out of her ponytail and fluffed it out with her fingers. "Sure," she said. "But Forks is small, you know. It won't be long until people figure it out."

"I know. I just…I just want a little longer without prying eyes."

Jessica smiled. "I can understand that. The Cullens are kind of a bit mysterious, so I bet there'd be a lot of interest in you two being together."

I followed Jessica through the kitchen and to the timeclock, where we both punched out. "Mysterious? How so?"

Jessica shrugged into her light jacket, hanging on a hook next to the timeclock. "I don't know," she replied. "They just keep to themselves so much. They all live on some big piece of property outside of town and no one really knows too much about them, except that Carlisle and Esme are a doctor and a lawyer. Otherwise, no one ever sees them."

I zipped up my hoodie and walked toward the backdoor, holding it open as Jessica stepped out. "I wonder why that is," I mused aloud.

Jessica shook her head. "Who knows." She flicked out the light switch behind her, darkening the kitchen. I could see Edward on his motorcycle, getting it started. "Everyone's out, right?" she asked. I nodded and she closed and locked the back kitchen doors. I was about to ask another question about the Cullens, but then she jumped and waved.

"Hey! There's Mike!" she exclaimed. She gave me a quick hug. "You're off tomorrow right?"

I nodded. "Yep."

"All right, see you later, then!"

My truck was where I had left it, parked next to Edward's motorcycle. He was still sitting on it, its engine running. He smiled at me as I approached.

"Jessica gave you the third degree, didn't she?" he asked when I was standing by the driver's side door. I unlocked it and shrugged at him.

"Yeah, it wasn't so bad," I replied. "You were expecting that, huh?"

He laughed. "Yeah. She's the type to notice things like that."

I thought about bringing up some of the things Jessica had said about the Cullen family, but decided to leave it be for now. Instead, I threw open the door to the truck and looked over my shoulder at Edward as I climbed in.

"What time tonight?"

Edward pulled on his helmet. "One. I'd like a little more time with you before you turn into a pumpkin."

I laughed and started the truck to head home.

* * * * *

Charlie was still awake when I came home – I could see him puttering in the kitchen as I parked the truck and locked it up. When I came inside, he was just flicking off the kitchen light. The TV and living room were dark; he must have been heading for bed.

"Hey, Bells," he said as I entered and hung up my hoodie. "How was work?"

"Busy," I replied. "How was your day?"

"Same ol', same ol'," he said. "Say, Billy Black asked me to head down to Ilwaco for a fishing trip this weekend. I'd be gone from Friday to Sunday evening. You don't mind guarding the homefront on your own, do you?"

I shook my head. "Not at all, that sounds like a good time."

"You're sure? I feel bad, you've only been here a little while and here I am, up and taking off on you."

I laughed. "It's all right, Dad. I can take care of myself."

Charlie smiled. "You can have friends over if you like – you can do that anytime, you know, right?"

"Thanks, Dad," I said. "I'm still getting to know people, so maybe it would be nice to invite someone over or something."

"Anyone special?" Charlie winked at me.

I blushed. "I've met a few people at work that seem nice."

"Oh, really?"

"The waitress I'm replacing, Jessica Stanley, she seems nice enough."

Charlie took a drink of water from the glass he was holding. "The Stanley girl, she seems all right. Her boyfriend, too, the Newton boy. His parents run an outdoor shop here in town. Not sure how they feel about the move to New York."

"They seem happy enough about it, themselves," I replied. "And the new busser, Angela, I haven't talked much with her, but she's pretty friendly."

"How about the Cullen kid? The one in the kitchen?"

It was hard to contain the flush that I could feel creeping up my cheeks. "Yeah, he's pretty cool. We drove to Quinault this morning to pick up supplies for Jan."

Charlie smiled, as though he already knew that, which I was certain that he did. "Is that so?"

"It was nice," I said. "Got to see some of the scenic beauty."

Charlie finished his glass of water and patted me on the back. "All right, kiddo, I'm off to bed. Long shift tomorrow to make up for my being out of town this weekend."

"Good night, Dad," I said and gave him quick peck on the cheek.

I followed him up the stairs shortly after – a glass of water for me and a brief scan of the late night television and I was ready to crawl under the covers. I was tired, but I was wired. I was waiting for 12:45, when my cell phone alarm would go off again.

* * * * *

I was awake before the alarm rang, about fifteen minutes before. My body was practically humming, an electric charge running through it. My face was hot and my heart was beating a mile a minute. I had just woken up from the single most erotic dream that I'd ever had and I was kind of pissed that I could make it last just fifteen damn more minutes.

_My skirt was black and A-line. My button-up blouse was white, silk. The buttons were nearly undone and my panties lay on the ground by my feet, which had once been clad in black heels which were now nowhere to be found. My hair, initially neatly secured in a bun at the nape of my neck was loose – strands dangled down my shoulders and in my eyes._

_We were backed against a brick wall – otherwise, my surroundings were indiscernible. Whether we were indoors or outdoors, I could not tell. All I could tell was that Edward's hands, rough and smooth at the same time, were hot on my skin as they pushed up under my skirt, firm in their grip on my thighs. All I could tell was Edward's body, heavy on mine, pinning me to the wall behind me. His breath was hot my neck, arched back. His dark suit jacket had been tossed to the ground, near my panties. His white, button-up shirt was undone and my hands were tangled in his bronze hair, pulling him closer to me._

"_I want you," he breathed as he kissed down my neck to my collarbone. "Right here, right now."_

"_Take me," I said. "Please."_

_Edward groaned and settled his right hand on the moist warmth between my thighs. "This is for me, isn't it?"_

"_It's all for you."_

_Edward groaned again and pushed against me, harder. The thickness that bulged from his black slacks rubbed teasingly against my thrumming sex. "I want to hear you scream my name."_

"_And you're going to scream mine," I replied. _

And then I woke up. Unfair, I thought to myself as I lay under my covers. I brought a hand to my face and wiped away a sheen of sweat on my brow. Unfair to wake up too soon from that dream. Unfair to find myself here, in my bed, alone and desperate to feel Edward's hands on my thighs.

I lay there like that, reliving the images in my mind, until the alarm on my phone did go off. When it did, I stood and dressed. I ran a brush through my sleep mangled hair and pulled it into a loose ponytail. I hesitated for a moment, then decided against the bun. I'd save that look for my late-night fantasies.

I headed down the stairs quietly, after leaving another explanatory note on my bedroom door for Charlie. In the moonlight, I could see Edward already in the driveway, leaning against the tail of my truck. I pulled my hoodie off the coatrack, put it on and joined him outside.

"Hello," he said quietly as I approached. He was holding something in each hand.

"Hello," I responded, then pointed to his hands. "What's that?"

Holding one hand out to me, I realized that he held two motorcycle helmets – one of them, he was handing to me. It was similar to the one that he wore.

"I know we planned to walk," he said when I looked at him questioningly. "But I thought you might like to ride. It's a beautiful night."

I looked up at the sky. For once, it was cloudless and the moon stood out against it, bright in the sky. "It is," I said. "But where's your bike?"

Edward pointed to the street beside our lawn. There it was, hidden in the dark. "I killed the engine a bit down the road and walked it the rest of the way. I didn't want to wake your dad."

I smiled. "Thanks." I put the helmet on my head and snapped it tight under my chin. It was little too tight, so Edward leaned in and adjusted the straps, his hands rubbing softly against my neck and chin. When it was situated just right, he took a step back and looked at me.

"What?"

"You are, by far, the most beautiful creature to ever put on a motorcycle helmet. I'm saving this image of you in my mind."

I laughed. "This isn't going to work with my ponytail, though," I said. I reached back and pulled out the hair tie. From the pocket of my hoodie, I produced a second one. "Looks like its pigtails tonight." I pulled my hair into two quick pigtails at the base of the helmet.

Edward snapped on his own helmet and look again at me, my long pigtails draping over the front of my shoulders. "Shit, Bella," he said, his breath heavy. "I swear, you're trying to kill me."

I stepped closer to him, dipping a finger into one of the belt loops on his dark jeans. "What's wrong, Cullen?" I asked.

Edward wrapped one arm around my back. "Well, Miss Swan," he said, "I do believe you're going to be the first gorgeous girl to ride on the back of my bike tonight and all I can think about is staying right here and kissing that pretty mouth of yours."

I smiled as I brought my lips closer to his. He met me the rest of the way and parted my lips with his tongue, meticulous in its work of heating my cheeks, of exploring my mouth, of producing another searing heat between my legs.

"Edward," I breathed when we released the kiss.

"Bella," he replied back as he planted kisses on my earlobe, trailing down my neck.

"What about that ride?"

"You ready to roll?"

"I am, let's go."

I kept pace with Edward as he walked his bike to the end of the road, the intersection where we were far enough away from the entries of most houses. There, he started the motorcycle's engine and got himself seated. I climbed on behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I felt Edward take a quick breath inward as I threaded my fingers together, holding him tightly.

He turned his head to look back at me, the moonlight illuminating us overhead, the single headlamp of his bike lighting the road ahead.

"Where are we going?" I asked, my head resting on his shoulder.

"Anywhere and everywhere," he responded, almost a whisper.

And then the wind was in my hair, throwing my pigtails behind me, and we were off.

* * * * *

We rode that like for miles, leaving the city limits of Forks behind until there was nothing surrounding us but trees and moonlight. Every so often, Edward would turn his head towards me and I would smile against his cheek. We had been riding for a half hour before Edward turned off onto a dirt road, slowing the bike enough so that he could maneuver around fallen branches and the occasional loose rock. It was also slow enough that I could hear his voice over the rumbling of the engine.

"Where are we?"

Edward gestured around us. "We're in the woods."

I blew a raspberry and Edward laughed. "We're near one of the bends of the Hoh River," he replied. "I used to come down here when we first moved to Forks. There's some houses a ways up, but you can't see them when you're in the trees. You can just hear the river."

We rode the bike a little further, to a place where the trees began to clear along the river's edge. In the light of the moon, I could see the water of the river, rushing towards the Pacific Ocean miles away from us. Edward stopped the bike and cut the engine. He was right. I could see nothing but the trees and the river; could hear nothing but the water rushing near us.

"It's beautiful here," I said, awestruck.

Edward had removed his helmet and hung it from the handlebars of the bike. He climbed off and turned to me, unsnapping the helmet from my own head, hanging it next to his. He tugged on my pigtails playfully, then reached over to a pack strapped to the back end of the motorcycle that I hadn't noticed before. He unzipped it and pulled out a blanket.

"Come on," he said. "I thought we could sit down by the river for awhile."

I followed Edward's lead down to the riverbank, where he spread the blanket on a smooth, sandy spot and sat. I sat next to him, staring at the way the water glistened off the light of the moon as it rushed past us. Edward picked up a rock near us and tossed it towards the water, where it landed with a soft ker-plunk.

"Do you miss Phoenix?" he asked.

I sighed. "Sometimes," I admitted. "The weather change has been the worst."

Edward nodded. "I was a little out of sorts when we first moved here from Chicago. But it grew on me."

"So far, it hasn't been so bad. I just wouldn't mind a little more warmth." I shivered, starting to pull my fingers inside the sleeves of my hoodie.

Edward stopped me, reaching for the hand nearest him. He pulled out my fingers and rubbed them between his hands, then blew on them. "Any better?"

"A little." I smiled.

Edward returned the smile, all crooked and endearing. "What kind of music do you listen to?"

"Indie, mostly. Some pop, some rock. No country."

"No hair metal for you?"

"No," I said, laughing. "That was strictly Phil's department." At the sound of his name escaping my lips, my head immediately drooped. I remembered Phil singing along to Poison on the radio, my mother's head thrown back in laughter.

Edward clasped my hand in his. "What was she like, your mother?" he asked quietly.

I leaned my head towards him and rested it on his shoulder. "She was funny. Quirky. She had a young heart, a willingness for spontaneity. I think that's why she fit so well with Phil. He made her feel younger."

"You loved her very much."

"Yes," I sighed. "But in the end, it wasn't enough to save her."

"But I bet it was enough, even in the end."

"I hope so."

We were quiet then, for a moment.

"What was _your_ mother like, Edward?"

Edward paused, looking up at the moon and then back down at my face. He moved a stray hair from my forehead before he responded. "She was beautiful. Her smile could melt the heart of anyone that was blessed to see it. She had the patience of a saint, even with the three of us children. We could have easily afforded a nanny or a governess, but she refused. She insisted that she and our father raise us on their own. She told me once that the sacrifice wasn't a sacrifice when it filled her heart with so much love."

Edward looked down at where our hands were clasped. "She used to tell me, there was no use for hate in a world when love was even just a possibility. Even if it was just a dream, then it wasn't worth letting an ounce of hate into our souls."

"She sounds so wise," I said.

"She was," Edward said, nodding. "But just like you said, in the end it wasn't enough to save her."

"But I suppose," I replied, "just like you said, perhaps that it was enough, even in the end."

Edward smiled and looked back into my eyes. "I suppose you're right." He leaned back onto the blanket, bringing us to both to our backs. I stared up at the sky, pinpricked with the light of a million stars, feeling the heat of Edward's body next to mine. I exhaled heavily, feeling suddenly heavy in this moment of our mutual grief.

Edward stretched his arm out, allowing me to curl up next to him with his arm under my head. I wrapped my leg around his, resting my head under his chin and my free hand on his chest. His free hand went under his own head, raising it a little from the blanket.

"Do you know what I miss most about my mother?" I asked.

"What's that?"

"I miss the sound of her voice in the morning, calling to me to wake up and get ready for school. Her voice was no different than any other time of day, but I miss hearing it in the mornings the most."

Edward kissed the top of my head. "Do you want to know why I really would come out here, when we first moved here?"

"Why?"

"I imagined," he said, "that out here with nothing but the river and the moon, the sky and the stars, that I was a little bit closer to my parents. That I could talk to them and they'd hear me, no matter whether I shouted or whispered or cried or cursed. They could see me here, better than anywhere else."

I looked up at the sky again, clear and dark, the moon shifting in its position in the sky. "I think that you might be right. Do you suppose my mom might be able to see me here, right now?"

Edward removed his hand from behind his head and threaded his fingers into mine. "I believe it's very possible."

I smiled against Edward's chest. "Thank you for sharing this with me."

Edward reached his hand up and tipped my face towards his. "It was my pleasure," he replied, as he dipped his lips to mine for a kiss.

I wrapped both my arms around Edward's neck as we continued to kiss, his lips swollen against mine. He moved his arm from under my head to around my waist, his other arm holding onto the thigh of my leg that was wrapped around his. He pulled me closer to him, his body warming mine.

I pulled away for a breath. "Edward!" I exclaimed, laughing. "My mother is watching!"

Edward laughed. "I imagine," he said, "that she's off having a cocktail with my parents. We have some time alone."

I giggled and kissed him again. "No prying eyes?"

"None," he replied. "It's just us, the moon and the stars."

"Anywhere and everywhere," I said, quoting him from earlier.

"Yes," he said, a rumble in his chest. "Right now, the moment is ours." He shifted so that more of his body weight was on me, my leg still entangled in his, his face above mine.

Our kisses became more fevered, my fingers running through his messy locks of bronze hair. His hands roamed aimlessly underneath my hoodie, under my shirt and against the cool skin of my back. I felt his erection grow against my own heated, throbbing sex. I leaned my head back and moaned.

Edward slipped his hand up to my bra, pulling the top down as he had before. He cupped my breast tenderly, pulling on my hardened nipple. I cried out, the pleasure exquisite. Edward's mouth was back on mine in that moment, devouring me. I reached my hand down and gripped his backside, pulling him closer. I rubbed against him, the denim of our jeans creating an irresistible friction.

"Oh, Bella," Edward sighed. "You feel so good against me."

"Take off your shirt," I said to him. "Fair, remember?"

Edward laughed. "Fair," he said. He halfway sat up, removing the sweater he was wearing. He set it in the sand above our heads.

I was immediately struck by his sheer beauty. His shoulders were broad and strong, his chest and stomach defined, but not to suggest that he spent far too much time in the gym. He was, in a word, gorgeous.

"Bella?"

"I'm sorry, it appears that you've dazzled me."

Edward laughed. "Dazzled?"

"Yes," I replied. "I can't help but think that I need to my feel my chest on yours."

"I think that can be arranged." I lifted my arms as Edward pulled off both my hoodie and shirt at the same time. He set them on top of his sweater and we resumed our position, the skin of our chests (save for my bra) exposed to each other for the first time.

As the swell of my breast touched his chest, we both inhaled quickly. I felt my pulse quicken and a sudden, new flush of heat rushed to my face.

"Bella," Edward said. "I lied earlier."

"What?"

"I said that you felt good against me. I was a fool. This feels far better."

I smiled and reached my face up to kiss him. His hand returned to my breast, teasing the nipple there. My breath became ragged and I leaned back on the blanket. He took the opportunity to bring his lips down my nipple, where he sucked at it, playing with it with his tongue. His other hand massaged my right breast and tweaked at the nipple there.

His own breath ragged, he kissed down my stomach to where my jeans were buttoned. He kissed my belly button lightly, then hesitated.

"Edward?"

"I have a confession to make, Bella." He looked up at me from my belt loops, his fingers lightly dancing on my sides. "I'm a virgin."

I breathed out, a tiny giggle escaping. "Bloody hell, Edward," I responded. "So am I."

"Really?"

"Really really."

"So you won't be offended if I tell you that I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing?"

"Only if you're not offended when I tell you the same thing."

"It's a deal."

Edward moved his hands to the front of my jeans, unbuttoning them first and then lowering the zipper. "Is this okay?"

I nodded. It was more than okay, I wanted to tell him.

Edward scooted back up so that we were facing each other again. My jeans loosened, he moved his hand inside of of my panties, cupping my warmth there. I moaned, raising my hips to meet his firm hand.

"Oh god," he said. "You're so wet."

I moaned again at his words. I wrapped my hand around his neck and brought his lips back to mine as he began to rub his thumb into my folds, finding my clit. It was slick against his thumb and he rubbed it softly, sending shivers of pleasure into my core.

Gently, he slipped his index finger deeper into me, finding my entrance warm and wet. He pushed one finger in, continuing to rub my clit with his thumb. I groaned.

"Edward," I said between heavy breaths. "That feels so good."

"I'm not hurting you?"

"Oh jeez, no," I said. "Please don't stop."

He didn't. Instead, he pushed a second finger into me. I felt deliciously filled, although I could feel myself hungering for more. I reached my hand down to his pants, pulling open the button there and dropping his zipper.

"I want to touch you," I told him.

"Please, Bella," he replied breathily. "Please do."

He helped me shift his pants and boxers down enough so that his erection could spring free. I stared at it at first, enjoying the sheer magnificence of it – its length and girth. It twitched in my hands as I wrapped my hands around it, a small amount of wetness seeping from its tip. I touched it there, smearing the moisture around the shaft to give me better purchase.

Edward moaned, loudly this time. "Shit, Bella," he said, lust clear in his voice. "I can't tell you how good that feels."

I started stroking him, slowly and firmly, as his hand continued to rub my swollen clit. His two fingers slid in and out of my entrance and I arched my hips higher, straining into his touch.

"Edward," I cried out, the pressure in me building. "Oh, Edward, god…" I trailed off.

"Bella, Bella," Edward breathed into my ear. He trailed kisses down my neck, lingering on my collarbone. "Bella, Bella, Bella."

I moaned at the sound of my names on his lips, dripping off his tongue like sugar. I began to pump him harder in my hand, enjoying the sound of his ragged breathing. Suddenly, he pulled his fingers out of me, his hand out of my jeans. Before I could question his motives, he had moved away from and over me, pulling my pants and underwear down and off my legs.

"Edward," I said. "I…I don't know…."

"It's okay," he said, understanding. "That wasn't my intent." He looked up at me, his lids heavy. "Bella," he said. "I want to taste you."

"Ohhhhh," I moaned. He put his hands back on my swollen sex, rubbing his thumb against my clit as he slid his two fingers back inside me.

"Can I taste you?" he asked, still looking up at me.

"Oh god, yes," I cried out.

Edward moved slowly, kissing my inner thighs while he continued to push in and out of me with his fingers. Finally, his mouth hovered over my mound. I couldn't help but reach for him then, with my hips, begging him silently to put his lips on me.

Edward removed his thumb from my clit and replaced it with his mouth. His fingers still working in and out of me, he sucked gently on my clit, teasing it with his tongue. I cried out, grabbing a fistful of his hair and rocking my hips on his mouth.

"Edward," I moaned. "Oh my god, Edward, that feels so good."

Edward moaned, the sound vibrating against my clit. He continued to lap at me, tasting me. His fingers began to move in and out of me faster, his tongue dancing on my clit, sending shivers up my spine. My nipples hardened even further and he reached up a free hand to twist one.

I was nearing the edge and I could tell that I was going to explode soon. "Edward," I moaned. "Edward, Edward, I'm going to come."

From between my legs, Edward groaned, deep and throaty. "Come for me, Bella," he said. "I want to hear you come for me."

I clamped my legs around his shoulders as he dove back into me, his mouth sucking greedily on the wetness there. His fingers continued to slide in and out, in and out, as his tongue nibbled at my clit.

Finally, I felt myself begin to release. I arched my back and cried out his name as stars exploded behind my eyelids. I gripped a fistful of his hair as I spasmed upwards from the sheer force of my orgasm.

Edward's fingers pulled out of my drenched sex and he gave my clit one last kiss before he returned to my face. He dragged a moist finger across my breast, then kissed it clean. I reached my face to his lips, not caring about tasting my own juices on them as I kissed him hard, my tongue insistent on finding his. He moaned into my mouth.

"That was unbelievable," I breathed.

"You're beautiful in your abandon," he replied.

I kissed him again, then reached a hand down to his own arousal. "This was hardly fair."

Edward chuckled. "Tonight _is_ about fairness, isn't it?"

I nodded. "Do you mind?"

"Not in the slightest."

"Edward?" I asked.

"Yes?"

"Can I taste _you?"_

Edward moaned. "You can do whatever you want with me, Bella."

I shifted downward on the blanket until my mouth was hovering about his gorgeous erection. I trailed my fingertips along his thighs, trailing up towards his balls. I cupped them gently, rubbing them in the hopes that it would give him some pleasure. I judged that it did, given the moan that erupted from him in response.

I wrapped my hand around his length and began to pump again. While I did, ran my tongue along the side of his penis when it was not covered by my hand. Edward moaned again, a feral and guttural sound that made my knees weak. Finally, I set my lips onto the head of him, kissing him gently before taking his length into my mouth – slowly at first, until I figured out how to fit him comfortably behind my lips.

I ran my tongue along his length while moving my lips up and down on his shaft. Edward's hands came down and tangled in my now messy hair. One hand cupped my cheek as the other rested against the back of my neck.

"Bella," he cried out softly, "Bella, this feels wonderful." As mine had done before, his hips arched into me.

"More, please, Bella," he said. "Please don't ever stop."

I felt the tension in his body reaching a breaking point. Where my lips could not reach on his length, I gripped with a fist. I pumped up and down as I worked his cock in my mouth. My tongue wrapped around his head and licked the moisture there.

"Bella," he moaned my name. "Bella, I'm so close."

I removed my mouth from him for only a moment. "Please," I whispered. "Please come."

Replacing my mouth back on him, I took him in as far as I could, feeling him touch the back of my throat. Controlling my gag reflex, I sucked hard, scraping him a little with my teeth.

"Oh shit, Bella," he cried. He arched his hips even higher, his hands on my hair becoming frantic and almost disjointed in their movements. I looked up at him to find him looking down at me. When our eyes met, his mouth opened into an o-shape and his head jerked back.

He rumbled my name to the heavens, a loud "BELLA!" shouted to the stars above us, as he came in my mouth – his cock hot and trembling as he exploded into me. If I could've come again, I would have – right then, right there.

It wasn't terrible tasting and I swallowed quickly, leaning back down to kiss him clean, licking his head for good measure. He urged me to rejoin him in our original position on the blanket. He brought his mouth to mine – slow kisses, our lips moving easily between each other as his hand rested on my hip. He brought his hand to my face, which he cupped when he pulled away from our kisses.

"Bella," he said, finally. "That was…"

"Amazing," I sighed.

"I know," he said.

I kissed him again, loving the taste of his lips on mine. I sighed.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Nothing at all. I'm afraid, though, that we're going to have to go public soon."

Edward laughed quietly. "Why is that?"

"Because I'm not in any mood to spend a moment away from you."

Edward pulled me close, his arms around my waist. "We think far too much alike, you know that?"

I buried my face in his chest and smiled.

* * * * *

We laid there on the riverbank for a short while longer, until the cold became too much for our naked bodies. We kissed each other's nakedness as we stood and dressed – each of us lingering on the other's chest.

"Beautiful," Edward said. I flushed and Edward laughed. "You're most beautiful when you're blushing."

Once dressed, we made our way back to the motorcycle and settled ourselves in for the ride home. I felt even more comfortable than before, my head resting on his shoulder and my arms locked around his waist. Edward turned back to kiss my forehead just before we reached the open road again. I let my fingers dance on his sides and buried my face into the warmth of his sweater.

Back on the 101, we headed to Forks, but we could've been going anywhere.

Anywhere and everywhere.


	9. liberate your dreamscape

**A/N:** OH MY GAWD. I can't believe that this update took this long to write. I could write an entire other chapter about all the things that caused this delay, but you're not interested in that. You're interested in Bella and Edward. Let's get a move on, then, shall we?

P.S. The title for this chapter comes from "Angels," by Tori Amos. It's on the Tales of a Librarian album.

* * * * *

Edward stopped his bike at the end of the road again, both of us climbing off and walking the rest of the way towards my house. It was nearing 4am again; I was still a raw bundle of nerves from my evening with Edward, but I could feel exhaustion beginning to take over my body.

At the driveway, his bike parked neatly on the street, I stood on my tiptoes and kissed Edward good night. It was anything but chaste, our tongues lingering on each other's, our lips reluctant to part.

"I have tomorrow off," Edward said quietly. "Or, today. Whatever it is."

"It's not tomorrow until I fall asleep and wake up again," I replied in a whisper. "And I'm off also."

"I'll call you, we can go do something in the daylight."

"I'd like that. I'm beginning to think you only exist in the darkness and in the kitchen."

Edward laughed and pressed his lips to mine one final time. "Goodnight, Bella."

"Goodnight, Edward."

I made my way quietly into the house, hanging up my hoodie and tiptoeing up the stairs to my room. I could hear Charlie's quiet snores coming from his room. I peeled the note off of my door again and collapsed into bed.

I would swear, the next day, that I was asleep before my head hit the pillow.

* * * * *

_The hotel mattress was soft and draped in fine linens. The curtains were a deep burgundy and they were drawn, blocking the world from our eyes and blocking the world from seeing us. The only light in the room came from the bathroom, where our clothing and bathrobes were left in piles on the floor. We had not made it into the shower – the mere act of disrobing had brought us here, to the plush mattress beneath my knees._

_Edward was behind me, his fingers pushing in and out of me. I was moist and slick on him as he pounded into me._

"_Bella," he moaned. _

"_Edward," I cried out. "Please." I pushed back towards him, towards what I wanted inside me more than his fingers. I felt it, firm against my backside. I heard Edward groan._

"_Bella, do you want me? Do you want all of me?"_

"_I want everything you have to give," I said, breathlessly. "Please, don't make me wait any longer."_

_Edward reached his head down and kissed along my lower back. His breath was hot on my cool skin. "I can't deny you anything, now can I?"_

* * * * *

I awoke, my eyes flying open to stare dumbly at my bedroom ceiling.

"Damn it," I whispered to the empty room. "Damn it, damn it, damn it." It just wasn't fair. I was wet between my legs, the dream having worked me up in real life as well, it seemed.

Awake now, I turned to look at the clock on my bedside table. 11:30am. Charlie was long gone, I imagined, and the house was silent. I sat in bed, stretched and yawned, then swung my feet out to touch the cold floor beneath.

I showered quickly, finally changing out of my clothes from the night before. Out of the shower, I wrapped myself in a thick bathrobe (the kind they have in fancy hotels, I thought to myself, remembering my dream) and plodded downstairs. I started a pot of coffee, toasted a piece of bread and sat down at the computer with a mug and my toast. Once the computer was started up, I saw that I had two new emails from Phil – both sent last night.

Like it had before, my cursor hovered over the "open" link. My non-mousing hand was frozen in space, toast on its way to my mouth. I stared at the screen. Taking a deep breath, I opened the first email.

_Bella,_

_I'm sorry about our phone call earlier. I feel like I made you feel out of sorts talking to me. I want you to have no regrets about moving to Forks and the last thing I should do is make you feel sorry for me. For that, I apologize._

_Give me a call and we can try having a normal conversation, all right?_

_Phil_

I sighed in relief. It was brief, but it made me feel all sorts of better. I moved on to the next email.

_Bella,_

_Hey, it's late and I bet you're at work, but I wanted to say again how sorry I am for being a complete jerk earlier. I just miss your mom so much that it overwhelms me. It's so empty here and sometimes I just stare at the wall, hoping one of you will walk in the door. _

_I was out in the garden again today and I was talking to your mom. I do that sometimes when I'm out there, I just talk to Renee. I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I feel like she's there with me and we're having a full on conversation. We plant the vegetables together and work in the dirt and it's like she never left._

_And then I go to bed at night, usually really really late because going to bed alone is the worst, and it all hits me. It's empty here. It's not home the way that it's supposed to be. Nothing seems right here anymore._

_Phil_

My momentary relief was shattered.

I stood and walked into the kitchen, trying to hold back the tears. I made it as far as the entryway before I collapsed to the floor in a tangle of sobs. The toast crumbled in my hands and smashed into the floor – I could feel the butter smearing on my fingers, but I didn't care.

As I sat there, covered in tears and butter and toast, I heard an engine cutting off outside. Then footsteps coming up the stairs. Then a knock at the door.

"Bella?" Edward's voice resonated through the front door.

My head hung lower. I couldn't let him see me like this – half-dressed and a sobbing mess. I dropped the toast and put my hands on the back of my neck. As much as I tried, as much as I wanted to let Edward in the door, I couldn't stop crying.

"Bella?" His voice came again. Then the door opened and he was inside. With the kitchen's proximity to the front door, he must've seen me through the glass. I wondered, a crazy thought shooting across my brain, why Charlie had not locked the front door when he left. I always locked it when I went out at night.

"Jesus shit, Bella!" Edward dropped to his knees in front of me, hands immediately upon my knees. "What's wrong? What happened?" With one hand under my chin, he tipped my face upward and stared into my eyes.

My sobs were uncontrollable, turning to ragged hiccups when I tried to speak. Instead, I pointed to the computer. Edward stood and made his way to the screen, still flickering, the email still up. He read it quickly and then returned to me, lowering a hand down to me to help me up from the floor. I stood and let him embrace me tightly.

"Bella," he said quietly, smoothing my hair. "It's not your fault."

"But it is," I wailed. "I left him there and he needs me! He shouldn't be alone!"

Edward pulled away to face me. He wiped the wetness from my face and looked me in the eye. "He's grieving," he said. "And we both know what that's like. But it's unfair of him to place so much of his troubles on you. Phil needs help."

I buried my face into Edward's shoulder. "If I was there, I could help him," I said into the leather of his jacket.

"How?" Edward said, his voice quiet and even. "He needs to talk to a counselor. He needs help that you can't give him. Even if you were there, I'd wager a bet that he'd still be in serious need of a professional."

I gripped my arms around Edward's waist, pulling him tighter to me. I needed to feel the strength of his body against mine, to feel as though someone else could hold me up when I couldn't do it for myself. "I know," I said, finally. "But if I was there…at least, maybe I could…at least he wouldn't feel so alone."

Edward didn't respond. He just held onto me. I felt that he wanted to say something – there was too much thickness in the air around us. No words came, though, just the two of us suspended in silence. Edward's arms were as tight around me as mine were around him. It almost felt as though he were clinging to me in the same way that I was clinging to him – as though I was holding him up.

* * * * *

A short time later, I climbed the stairs to my bedroom. I was, after all, still in just a bathrobe. Edward waited outside as I dressed quickly, stepping into a pair of jeans and pulling on a blue blouse. As I buttoned up my shirt, Edward knocked on my door.

"Come in," I said, fastening the last button. I sat down on my bed, still unmade. Edward entered and sat next to me.

"Any better?"

"A little. I think I need to get my mind off things."

Edward put his arm around and pulled me closer. "Well, we have all day."

I nodded, smiling. "Yes," I replied. "We do. So, what's the plan, Cullen?"

Edward smiled his crooked smile at me. "Well, this might sound a bit hokey, but I was thinking about a walk on the beach. Have you been to La Push yet?"

I shook my head. "I haven't."

Edward pushed himself off the bed and reached a hand down to me. I took it and let him heave me up. "Then La Push it is," he said, pulling me close to him. He leaned his face down to mine and kissed me.

I didn't mean for it to happen, but it just did. Perhaps it was the dream that I had woken from, perhaps it was the emotionally charged morning I had just endured. Either way, I did not intend to kiss him back as forcefully as I did. My arms flew to wrap themselves around his neck, crushing his lips to mine. I was fevered and frenzied, half-embarrassed, but secretly glad that he returned the kiss in kind.

We fell back onto my bed, our legs dangling onto the floor and tangled in each other. The kiss continued, our breath becoming uneven and I was aware of the growing thickness between his legs. My hands tangled in Edward's unruly bronze hair, my mouth releasing from his only to come up for some very necessary gulps of air.

"Bella," Edward's voice said, teasingly. "This is NOT the beach."

His hands crept up the inside of my shirt, tickling my ribcage on either side. "No," I replied. "This is my bedroom. And your hands are up my shirt."

"Would you like me to stop?"

"Are you crazy?"

"Sometimes."

I giggled. "A little crazy goes a long way."

Edward smiled at me. "Does it now?"

His lips were back on mine then, heavy and purposeful, drowning me in a sea of warmth. His hands moved further north inside my shirt, rubbing up against the underwire of my bra. He slipped a finger underneath it and traced along the underside of my breast.

I felt myself press up against him, reaching out to touch my heat to his. I was not disappointed. The bulge in his pants was hard and I groaned as I rubbed myself against it.

Edward returned the groan, but as he did so, he removed his hands from my shirt and stood.

I pouted. Edward laughed.

"I said I was taking you to the beach," he replied to the question lingering in my eyes. He reached his hand down to me and I took it, allowing him to – once again – pull me up to him.

"You did," I said. "As lovely as the beach sounds, I kind of didn't mind distracting you."

"And I didn't mind the distraction. But let's go. It doesn't look like it will rain for another twenty minutes at least."

I followed Edward down the stairs. "So what does a Washington beach entail, anyway? Should I bring sunblock or fishing waders?"

Edward snorted. "No waders. Though a warm coat might do."

As I followed him into the living room, he reached over and flicked off the computer swiftly and without a word. I looked at him, thanking him silently. He turned around and smiled at me.

"No more sadness today, all right?" he said.

I grabbed my coat from the rack near the door. "Deal," I replied. "Care to pinky swear on that?"

Edward laughed. "I'm afraid that I don't know how to properly pinky swear."

I gasped. "That's practically un-American. Here, put out your pinky."

When his was held out to me, I locked mine with it. "All right," I continued. "Now you have to kiss my hand and I have to kiss yours. That's a pinky swear."

I brought our hands to my face and gently kissed his hand. Then Edward returned the gesture, his lips lightly feathering my hand with a kiss. A slow smile crept up my face.

"No more sadness," Edward said.

"None," I replied. "I'd never break a pinky swear."

* * * * *

The ride to La Push was quick work on the back of Edward's motorcycle. We parked a short ways from the beach and hauled ourselves off the bike. Looking at the sky, then down at the motorcycle, Edward decided that it would be safe enough to leave it uncovered. Personally, I couldn't tell the difference in the sky – it was all grey to me.

We walked, hand in hand, to the water's edge. I fell a few times, of course, but that was to be expected. Edward had unnaturally quick reflexes – it seemed he was always ready to catch me even before I fell. I marveled at the roughness of his hands beneath the wool of my coat as he saved me from toppling headfirst into the crashing waves.

"So, you took top of your class at Juilliard, huh?" he joked as he helped me up from my latest near-spill.

"For your information," I retorted, "so long as the surface is flat, I'm just fine. I do great in any routine that involves walking slowly across the room."

Edward reached down and picked up a piece of driftwood from the sand, which more resembled dirt in my opinion, and then tossed it into the surf. The water seemed darker than I'd imagined for a beach, but then, the beaches I remembered from my youth were in Southern California.

We made our way slowly up the sand, to a point where we could no longer see the lines of parked cars. At a long, driftwood log, we sat. I huddled close to Edward for warmth, my wool coat doing little to cut the sharp wind coming off the water.

We were silent and I didn't mind. Edward held my hand, palm up and lazily traced shapes onto it with his finger. A star. A heart. The moon. He wrote my name and he wrote his name, then he brought my hand to his lips and kissed the skin where his finger had been "writing."

I sighed into his jacket, the first sound between us in some time.

"Bella?"

"Yes."

"Do you believe in true love?"

My voice caught in my throat. "I don't know. I suppose."

"Why is it that everyone is so hung up on true love? Why isn't just enjoying the moment good enough?"

"I don't know," I repeated. "I suppose people are always looking for something more than what they have."

"I'm not sure if it exists," Edward replied. "I sometimes wonder if it's just one of those elusive things that everyone always wants, but no one can ever have."

"Weren't your parents each other's true loves?" I asked the question gently, not knowing how he might react to the subject.

Edward was silent for a moment and I wondered if the topic had opened a wound. I was about to change the subject when he responded.

"I believe they were," he replied and sighed. "I really do. No two people could've loved each other more than my parents loved one another."

"So I suppose it's not such a far off thing to strive for after all," I said, lacing my fingers with his. "Nothing's wrong with a little happiness."

Edward looked down at me and smiled.

"No, I suppose not," he replied.

* * * * *

**A/N:** This isn't where I wanted to end this chapter and this really feels like a boatload of filler, but it's necessary to move the story along. To make up for this lackluster performance (in my opinion anyway) and for the huge gap in between updates, I hope you enjoy the little interlude provided in the next chapter.


	10. interlude: 'til they sparked

**A/N:** The only author's note here is that the title of this little interlude comes from the Regina Spektor song, "The Calculation."

* * * * *

EPOV

In the four-in-the-morning dawning light, I could see the road stretch out in front of me. It was not a short ride to my house from Bella's, but it was not a long one either. My eyes focused on the road in front of me, my desired turn off approaching. My heart and my mind, however, were still with Bella. Other parts of me, too, it seemed. I pulled into the driveway of the home I shared with my aunt and uncle, parked my bike and ascended the stairs to the front door.

"Boo," a small, but lilting voice said from the porch.

I nearly jumped out of my skin. Turning wildly to my left, I saw that it was only Alice. She was perched on a lone stool that she must've dragged out here just for the occasion. A long brown cigarette with a pink filter flittered in her hand as she flicked an ash from it.

I swatted at it. "Sick, Alice," I said. "I can't believe Jasper kisses that mouth of yours."

Alice smiled, took a long drag and blew the smoke into rings in my direction. "Can it, brother," she said with a laugh. "I hear the gossip around town is that you're sucking a few ashtrays yourself."

I'm not easily embarrassed, especially by my older sister, so I leaned casually on the wall of the house and looked her in the eye. "So?" I challenged.

Alice crossed her legs daintily and stared at me from her falsely innocent eyes. "The new girl? The police chief's daughter?"

I wanted to say something non-committal in return, but I couldn't force myself to do it. To do so would be to lie about Bella. To lie about Bella would be very nearly like denying her. The words stuck in my throat and burned there.

Alice's eyes suddenly became knowing. "It's more than just sucking on ashtrays."

I nodded, stuffing my hands in my pockets. I looked down at my feet.

"So why are you so quiet about it?"

I cleared my throat. "I guess," I started. I kicked an imaginary rock. "I guess I'm afraid if I talk about it, then it will make it real. And once it's real, it'll stop being perfect."

Alice sighed. She flicked out her cigarette and tossed it in the bushes in front of the house. Esme would find it there later and have words with Alice. For now, though, Alice rose from her stool and stepped toward me.

"Dear brother," she said, her hand cupping my face. Nearly half a foot shorter than me, she looked up at my face. Her own was a mixture of sweetness and sadness. "Not everything is destined to end. It's okay to allow the sunshine in sometimes."

I sighed. I supposed that Alice was right. She usually was.

I bent down and kissed her on the forehead. "Thank you," I said quietly.

Alice beamed up at me, pulling me in closely for a hug. I could smell her signature scent, patchouli and lilies (such an odd mix, I told her more than a few times), radiating above the smell of tobacco.

"Edward," she said, as she released me from her hug. "If it's the real thing, don't let it get away from you."

"How will I know?"

She just smiled, as she turned to open the front door. "You just will."

She stepped inside and beckoned me to follow. I waved her off, choosing instead to sit down on the front stoop of the porch. Looking down at my feet, I saw that Alice's cigarette butt had landed near where my feet were planted. I reached down and picked it up, sparing Alice from Esme's lecture later.

I looked up at the sky, already changing color in anticipation of the coming morning. The moon was fading in the sky and even though it's not a star, I wished on it anyway.


	11. you can catch me

**A/N: It's 3:15am. Everyone else in the house was asleep by 9pm. After I cracked out on CafeWorld (Damn you Facebook – stop making such addicting apps!) for awhile, I realized that I was wasting perfectly good Twific writing time. So I got down to business and, despite multiple distractions which included a debate over calling the cops on my arguing neighbors, this chapter came to life.**

**I haven't said it in awhile, so I want to say it now – your reviews are pure love to me. For serious. Even though I was full of fail for the last month when it came to updates, I'm still getting some serious warm fuzzies from you guys. Thanks so much! Thank you, also, to everyone who is reading and adding this to their alerts and favorites. If I could give you all a giant hug, I would!**

**This chapter's title comes from the Ingrid Michaelson song, "Overboard." I'm deviating from Tori lately. Just because. I do listen to other stuff. Sometimes. :)**

*** * * * ***

We remained on the beach for several hours, the skies threatening to open up above us and shower us but they never followed through. Edward showed me the tide pools and I showed him how I could nearly fall into one. Sand is no good underfoot of a consistently clumsy girl. Edward humored my artful attempts at self-destruction and always came to my rescue with ease.

As the light began to begin to fade, we made our way back to where Edward had parked his motorcycle. He looked up and gauged the skies again with a thoughtful gaze.

"You don't mind getting a little wet, do you?" he asked. He straddled the bike and put on his helmet.

I blushed, the double entendre not escaping my childish mind. Knowing that he meant wetness from the clouds gathering quickly above, I shook my head.

"I won't melt," I replied. Much, I thought.

Edward smiled and tossed my helmet towards me. I secured it, then climbed on behind him and we were off.

Edward's diagnosis of the weather was nearly impeccable. Within ten minutes of leaving the beach, the clouds that had taunted us with rain all day suddenly broke open and let loose their fury. We were just outside of town, soaked and chilled to the bone when Edward pulled the bike into a gas station with covered pumps.

I pulled off my helmet and shook out my wet tendrils of hair, spraying water all around me.

Edward, stepping off the bike, laughed as the water flung from my hair and splashed him in the face.

"You're soaked," he said.

I looked at him with smiling eyes. "I told you I'd need waders."

Edward laughed and sat back down on the bike, facing backwards and towards me. "I don't need gas," he said. "I just thought we could use a respite from the downpour before continuing."

"It's much appreciated," I replied, leaning my wet forehead against his. "And to think, I showered this morning. I should've just brought along a bottle of Suave and took care of my hair on the way home."

Edward did not respond with a laugh like I thought he would. Instead, his rain soaked lips found mine and he curled his arms around my back, pulling me closer to him on the bike. Dimly aware of possible prying eyes inside the convenience store a mere few steps away, I returned his sweet, warm kiss. Our tongues met slowly, contrasting greatly in their heat with our cool faces.

I scooted closed to Edward on the bike's seat, feeling my drenched pants catching on the leather of the seat. Our heat was centered together, against his swollen manhood and I couldn't help it, but I released my mouth from his and moaned. Edward took advantage of this and pressed his lips against my arched neck.

Kissing behind my earlobes, he worked his way down to my collarbone. A free hand worked its way up to my wet hair, tangling there. The feel of his hands, his rough and strong fingers against my scalp, gave rise to a fresh wave of goosebumps on my arms.

His lips finding mine again, he placed both of his hands against my backside and pulled me as close as we could possibly get. I groaned into his mouth, my pulse picking up speed as my hands worked their way around his neck. My tongue became insistent against his, battling for the space to fill him with the lust that we were both emanating. I could feel him against me, hard and throbbing, desperate to be rid of this public space and these wet articles of clothing.

A voice broke our reverie, tinny and loud, from the speakers above us.

"There's a motel down the road, folks," it said. "Unless you plan on filling your tank, you can fill 'er up for forty-five bucks a night somewhere else."

We broke apart immediately and I looked, shamefaced, at the brightly lit windows of the convenience store. A lone cashier stood at the window behind the register, laughing. I looked at Edward, who looked back at me with his lopsided grin.

"Guess we weren't being very discreet," he joked.

"That's the understatement of the year," I replied, with a laugh. My face was flushed and I wasn't sure if it was from embarrassment or the act we'd been caught in.

"I couldn't quite help myself, it seems," Edward said as he rearranged himself on the bike and got it started again.

I replaced the helmet on my head. "You're a bad influence, Edward Cullen," I said, giggling. Brazenly, I reached my arms across him from behind and brushed against his still stiff erection, holding it for a moment before returning my hands to their place across his chest.

Edward moaned lightly, then cursed. "Bella Swan," he said in reply, "you're not much better. I have half a mind to take you home right now and get you out of those wet clothes."

I shifted in my seat behind him. The space between my legs was drenched – and not from the rain. "You can't fight the willing," I whispered in his ear.

Edward growled, a deep and sultry sound that only succeeded in turning me on further. He turned his head to kiss me on the forehead. "Death of me, Swan, I swear."

I laughed, burying my face into the wet leather jacket at his shoulder.

Edward sighed, then kicked the kickstand on the bike up. He held it steady on the ground with his feet for a moment. "As much as I would love to follow through with that excruciatingly enticing threat," he said, "your father is likely home by now."

I heaved my own sigh. "You're right," I said.

"I have an idea," Edward replied. "Let's get this bike back to my place. Then you can dry off and we can take one of the covered vehicles back to your place. I don't know if your dad would appreciate me returning you in such a moist fashion."

"Your place?" I had no idea where the Cullens lived, nor did I think I was prepared to meet any members of his family.

Edward seemed to sense my consternation. "Carlisle and Esme won't be home and Em and Rose are out of town doing fundraising. At most, we may run across Alice and Jasper."

I relaxed a bit against the back of his leather jacket. "All right," I said. "I wouldn't mind letting my hair dry out before I get home."

I could almost hear Edward smile as we pulled back out into the pouring rain. "You'll like Alice and Jasper, I promise."

I wasn't worried about that, I supposed. I was more worried that they'd like me.

* * * * *

Not that far down the street, Edward turned off onto a side road that seemed like it went on into the forest until forever, possibly eventually meeting back up with the ocean that we'd left behind. Instead, there was a sudden clearing and a long, gravel driveway. Settled almost serenely among the trees was a large house that was as grandiose as it was unassuming. A large wrap-around porch took up most of the space in the front and a large garage graced its side, attached to the house. I noticed that there was a well worn driving path to the side of the garage and what appeared to be at least one more house much further back behind the main house, stretching further into the trees.

Edward pressed a button on his keychain and the one of the four garage doors opened. Inside were three vehicles, two clearly of foreign (and expensive) make. The third, a Jeep, was covered in mud up its red doors and reaching to the black canvas top. We parked nearest to the Jeep, Edward propping the bike on its kickstand. I removed my helmet and handed it to him, eying the other vehicles in the garage with open awe.

Edward pressed the button on his keychain again to close the garage door. He saw my gaze and looked at me as he shrugged. "My family loves to lavish their money on others," he explained, "but they have a weakness for cars."

"I'll say," I responded. I took Edward's hand, outstretched to meet mine, and followed him through a separate door to enter the house. We walked through an expansive laundry room and then through a massive kitchen before we found ourselves in what appeared to be the front room of the home.

Everything was ornate and expensive, but again the word "unassuming" crept into my mind. While it was clear that the Cullens were wealthy, it was also clear that their wealth did not consume them. There was no need to flaunt it here in their home and the decorations were tasteful and complemented each room appropriately without going overboard.

"Your home is lovely," I breathed to Edward.

"I will let Esme know that you think so," he replied. "She takes great pride in creating a welcoming space."

As he was finishing his sentence, a small woman bounded into the room from down the stairs. She was short in stature, at least an inch or two shorter than myself. Her dark hair was cut short and looked messy and unstyled, as though she was ready to settle in for the evening. She had a dancer's body, tiny and pixie-like and she very nearly bounced towards Edward's side.

"Edward!" she exclaimed. "I thought I heard you coming up the drive!"

Edward smiled at me as she clasped her hands together and looked from Edward to me, expectantly. "Bella," he said, "please meet my older sister Alice."

Alice reached out and shoved Edward playfully. "Older! You always throw that in!" She reached a hand out to me and I shook it. "I don't know what you see in him, Bella. He's a bastard."

I laughed. "I find that his redeeming moments far outweigh the bastardly ones."

Alice returned my laugh and pulled me in for a hug that I awkwardly accepted. "Oh," she sighed. "I can tell that you and I will be great friends."

I smiled, then laughed as Alice jumped back from me with a start. "You're soaked to the bone!" she exclaimed. Looking closer at Edward, she shook her head. "You, too. What did you do, Edward? Toss her in the sea?"

"What's wrong?" he asked, shaking his hair in her direction. "Is this your weakness? Oh what a world and all that?"

Alice squealed and grabbed my hand. "Come on, Bella," she said. "This simply won't do. I'm sure I have something that you can change into once you dry off."

I looked back at Edward as Alice dragged me towards the stairs and up to the second floor of the house. He had a bemused look on his face as he followed us.

Alice led me to an expansive bedroom that I only assumed was hers. In her room, lounging on a large four-poster bed, was a lanky blond with wildly curly hair. He looked up from his book when we entered and his eyes met me with a questioning glance.

"Jasper," Alice said, "this is Bella Swan. Edward tossed her in the sea."

"Edward has a propensity for such things," Jasper replied. He stood from the bed and came over to shake my hand. "Hello, Bella."

"Hello, Jasper," I said. "It's nice to meet you."

"Likewise," he responded. Something about his friendly demeanor immediately put me at ease. I entertained the thought that, as Alice had said, we would all be very good friends.

"I'm going to find something dry for Bella to wear home," Alice announced, throwing open a set of double doors that revealed a walk-in closet nearly as enormous as her bedroom.

"A towel may be in order also," Jasper said as he sat back down on the bed with his book. I recognized it to be a tattered and clearly well-loved copy of _To Kill a Mockingbird._

"That's my favorite," I said, pointing to the paperback.

"Mine too," said Jasper. "I'm glad to see that Edward's enamored with someone that has good taste."

I blushed, hard and red. _Enamored?_ I turned back to Alice, who had emerged from the closet with a pair of blue jeans and a black sweater. At first glance, it was something I could be found wearing on any normal day. Except that each article likely cost more than one of my paychecks.

"Don't worry about returning them," Alice said, waving her hand in dismissal. "I'm not a jeans girl." I looked down at Alice's flowing skirt and decided that she did, in fact, not resemble a jeans and sweater girl like me.

"Thanks," I said, "but I'll make sure these are returned to you. I couldn't keep your clothes."

Alice laughed and Jasper snorted from behind his book. "I'm a self-admitted clotheshorse," Alice declared. "I can't help myself. I wear things once or twice and then donate them to charity. At the very least, I'm keeping that Goodwill from going out of business."

Stepping back into the closet, Alice grabbed a pair of socks and handed them to me as well. "Nothing's better than a clean pair of socks after you've been tossed in the sea," she explained and took my hand to lead me back out of the room. It was small in mine, but soft and warm.

"This is the bathroom," she said, pointing to an open door at the end of the hallway. "You'll see the towels when you enter. If you need any toiletries, there should be plenty at the vanity. Feel free to use whatever you need."

"Thank you, Alice," I said.

"My pleasure," she replied and bounced back into her bedroom.

Stepping into the bathroom and turning on the light, I decided immediately that "bathroom" was the entirely wrong word for what this room was. "Spa" was likely a better choice. A large, jetted tub was set against a large window shuttered against the outside. A vanity graced the wall to my left and even the toilet and sink fixtures seemed as though they had cost a fortune. I set the towel and Alice's clothes down onto the vanity's seat, staring in awe at my surroundings.

At least I understood now why Edward didn't let too many people know about his family's wealth. I could see how some people might like to take advantage of this.

I began to undress, peeling my saturated clothes from my body and relishing in the way the air hit my cool body. I realized happily that the clothes that Alice had chosen were nearly my exact size and I began to dry off my legs before attempting to step into the expensive denim. I had the jeans on, as well as my black bra, when a soft knock came at the door.

"Bella?" Edward's voice came from the other side. "Are you decent?"

I cracked the door open a bit and peeked my face out, covering my chest with the large towel. "Not in the least," I responded.

Edward's lips crinkled into a mischievous smile. "Can I come in anyway?"

"Seeing as this is your home, it would seem rude of me to keep you from entering any room you please." I returned his grin.

Edward pushed the door open enough to allow himself entrance and then closed it behind him, locking it. I tightened the towel around me, hesitant to stand in front of him in just my bra – especially in the bright lights overhead. He had changed from his wet clothes into a park of dark blue jeans and a black tee. So cliché, yet so incredibly fitting.

"Need any help?" he asked.

"I guess that depends on what kind of help you're offering," I said coyly.

Edward's laugh was deep and throaty. "I merely wanted to know if you needed a hand finding anything in the bathroom," he said. He stepped closer to me, sliding a finger between the towel and my chest. "But if you were suggesting that you _needed_ some other kind of help, I may find myself happy to oblige."

I loosened my grip on the towel and with a slight tug, it fell to my feet. Edward sighed inwardly and pulled me close to him, his hands finding my hair and his lips pressing fervently against mine. I returned the kiss, of course, pressing my body against his and enjoying the familiar feel of his erection straining behind his jeans. I rubbed deliciously against it, the friction causing a wonderful sensation between my thighs. I groaned quietly, delving my tongue deeper into his mouth.

Edward moved a hand from my hair and brought it between us, rubbing against my throbbing sex. Walking slowly forward, so that I moved backward in step with him, we bumped up against the vanity chair where Alice's sweater still sat, forgotten for the moment. Edward's fingers hooked under the waistband of my borrowed jeans, flicking open the buttonfly in one deft movement. Soon enough, the zipper was down as well and Edward's hand found its way into my panties, still damp from both the rain and from the feel of Edward's hands upon me.

His hand found what it was looking for, slipping silently into my folds and rubbing against my clitoris. His mouth still on mine, Edward rubbed his index finger on the slick nub there, causing me to arch my neck away from his lips. As before at the gas station, he took advantage of his by ravaging his lips upon the soft skin of my collarbone. His middle finger slipped further down and inside of me. His other hand, free from my hair now, pushed down the jeans until they pooled at my feet.

My lower body free of the confines of the denim, Edward was able to push his middle finger further into me, his thumb rubbing circles on my clit in slow, deliberate circles. My breathing became ragged and fast and I felt myself becoming lightheaded with sensation. Edward gently eased me to sit down on the vanity chair, kneeling in front of me as I moved downward.

His fingers were still inside of me as I sat there, gripping onto the sides of the chair for support. My head, arched back, dragged my hair across the various toiletries laid out on the vanity. Edward moved another finger inside of me and moved them in and out of me in wet, slow movements. His lips peppered kisses, then gentle nibbles on my legs and inner thigh.

Then they landed on the spot where his thumb had been. I gasped inwardly, as quietly as I could. His lips were just as warm as the sex that he was now lazily draping his tongue over, it seemed. His fingers twisting inside of me, he kissed at my clitoris, pulling it gently into his mouth and teasing it with his tongue in quick flicks. Sucking at it, he used his only free hand to cup my buttock, pulling me closer to his face.

I stifled a moan as I began to slip away from reality, rocking gently against his face. I looked down at him from heavy-lidded eyes and saw, with astonishment, that he was looking up at me. Intently, he watched my face as he continued driving his tongue and his fingers in and around me. My eyes closed and my head rolled back again; I could feel my legs tensing up as the build-up to my orgasm began.

"Edward," I called softly. I moved my hands down to the mess of his bronze hair and ran my fingers through it. "Oh goddddd, Edward, I'm so close."

A low growl escaped Edward's lips as he delved further into me, fueled, it seemed, by my quiet words. His tongue was wrapped furiously around my swollen clitoris and his fingers pushed harder and harder into. I raised my hips to grind against the motions that his hands were making against me and Edward gripped my backside harder, hid fingernails digging into my skin. It was a decadent mix of pleasure and pain; I bit down hard on lip to stop the loud cry from escaping that bubbled up in response.

"Oh Edward, oh Edward, oh Edward," I cried. "Oh!"

My hips jutted upwards, Edward's mouth and fingers following, and I froze there as stars shot around the inside of my eyelids. A shudder ran over my body and I felt my sex contract around Edward's still-pumping fingers. A loud groan slipped from his lips as he removed his fingers and lapped at my lips.

I relaxed and settled my backside back down onto the vanity chair. Exhaling a breath that I didn't know I had been holding, I tugged at Edward. He straightened up and pressed his mouth against mine. I could taste my juices on his tongue as he kissed me and suddenly, the goosebumps from earlier were back. Releasing me from the kiss, Edward brought his lips to my ear.

"That was fucking beautiful," he said in a whisper.

"Understatements are your strong suit," I replied with a throaty laugh. "That was _phenomenal._" I pushed my lips back onto his for another kiss.

"That couldn't have left you very satisfied, though," I continued. "I think there's something I can do to remedy that."

"And there's something that I love for you to do about that," Edward replied. "However, it seems to have gotten increasingly dark since we made our way in here."

Edward emphasized this fact by slipping down one of the shutters. He was right. It was dusk. If Charlie wasn't home already, he would be soon. And I hadn't left a note for him.

"Shit," I cursed. I looked forlornly from the window to Edward. "I hate to leave you in this position." The bulge behind his zipper twitched.

Edward laughed and brought me to my feet. "Trust me, Bella," he said. "I'll have the image of you with my head between your legs burned into my mind for some time to come. I'll get by just fine." He raised his hand and splayed out his five fingers to indicate what he would spend his evening doing.

"Oh!" I cried, suddenly flush at the thought of my image in Edward's head as he pleasured himself. I pulled Alice's jeans back up my legs and hoped that Edward had not seen how quickly I had re-moistened my panties.

Once dressed, we hurried out of the bathroom and past Alice and Jasper's room. We seemed to go undetected, but I could've sworn that I heard a light giggle come from the room as we passed. I was grateful that we were not interrogated on our way out of the house. We made our way back to the garage, where Edward opened the passenger side door to the Jeep and helped me climb in. A pair of pink fuzzy dice hung from the rearview mirror and Edward saw me looking at them quizzically as he opened the garage door and backed out.

"This is Alice's Jeep," he said, explaining. "She loves the dice."

"Funny," I said. "And the mud?"

Edward laughed. "Hard to miss, isn't it?" He turned out of the driveway and back onto the road. "She and Jasper like to take the Jeep into the woods and try out everything they show it doing in the commercials."

"I'd never have guessed she was into that kind of thing."

"Yeah, well, she's a strange creature, my sister."

"What is your brother like, Emmett?"

"A little more stereotypical. Big, muscled, a little dim at times. But a great prankster. And a teddy bear when it comes to Rose. He'd move the moon and the stars for her if he could."

I moved closer to Edward across the bench seat of the Jeep. I sighed. "It must be nice to have such a large, close family."

Edward smiled and looked over at me briefly before returning his attention to the road. "It has its perks and its downfalls, just like everything else in life."

Sooner than I wanted to be, we were back in front of my house. Charlie's cruiser was parked out front and I could see the lights on in the house. He was standing in the kitchen.

"Should I come in?" asked Edward as he set the parking brake.

I hesitated. "No," I said finally. "I should probably broach this with Charlie myself. Then we'll have formal introductions."

Edward put an arm around me. "No problem. You'll be at work tomorrow?"

I nodded. "Yes, you?"

"Dinner shift," he replied. "It's lasagna night."

"Then I guess I'll see you there."

"Of course."

I took Edward's hand in mine as he reached in to kiss me. I threaded my fingers into his, feeling his lips warm against mine. With my father in the house behind us, we did not dare to show as much public affection as we had at the gas station earlier. Our fingers did the majority of our talking for us – his hand grasping mine tightly, our fingers interwoven. I used my free hand to cup Edward's face as we kissed and when we pulled back from each other, I traced my index finger along the outline of his jaw.

"Goodnight, Edward," I said quietly.

"Goodnight, Bella."


	12. popped my heart seams

**A/N: It's been too long, my friends, and I apologize. After a few bouts of the flu going around our house, then the holidays, then a business trip abroad, a change in workplaces (just an office move, but a thirty mile office move at that), some crazy weeks of LJ Idol and the usual chaos that is my life, my favorite pastime of writing fanfic had to get pushed to the wayside. This chapter has been a long labor of love, even if I didn't manage to fit in one interaction that I'd had planned on my outline. I'll save that for next time and hope that I haven't lost you all for good.**

**This chapter's title comes from the song "Speechless" by Lady Gaga. Because I have no shame in loving the Gaga.**

* * * * * * * * * *

_Charlie's cruiser was parked out front and I could see the lights on in the house. He was standing in the kitchen._

"_Should I come in?" asked Edward as he set the parking brake._

_I hesitated. "No," I said finally. "I should probably broach this with Charlie myself. Then we'll have formal introductions."_

After our goodbyes, I dashed from the Jeep to the front steps of the house. Charlie met me at the door, opening it just as I had my hand on the doorknob. I stepped in and shook out of my coat, hanging it on the rack near the door. Charlie had stepped to the kitchen entryway, his arms folded over his chest.

"Yes, Dad?" I asked, deciding to start the conversation since Charlie seemed determined to be silent.

"Where have you been?" Charlie asked.

"Out," I replied. "I'm sorry that I didn't leave a note. It slipped my mind entirely."

Charlie snorted. "Out where?" His tone was confrontational. I didn't like this and folded my arms across my chest in the same fashion as his.

"Around," I replied. "What's with the Cop Dad routine?"

"Oh, I don't know Bella. It's just that I got home, your truck was here and you were gone. No note. Of course I worried. Don't you answer your cell phone?"

I hadn't even realized until that moment that I'd even had my cell phone on me. I stepped back to my coat and fished it out of my pocket. Fourteen missed calls, all of them from Charlie. Whoops.

"Oh, Dad," I said. "I'm really sorry. I just…I guess I wasn't paying attention. I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to worry you." I hung my head a little. I really did feel bad.

Charlie shook his head, his body visibly relaxing. "I suppose I'm coming down a little hard. But you had me worried, Bells. Where were you?"

I fidgeted. "I was out with a friend."

Charlie could hear the difference in my voice, he could see my visible fidget. "A friend?" His eyebrows raised.

"I was out with Edward Cullen," I said, my voice a little stronger this time. I had nothing to hide, I figured, so why was I so worried about what Charlie would think?

Charlie's eyebrows remained raised. "The Cullen boy, huh? The one you drove down to Quinault with?"

I nodded. "The same. We're kind of…well, Dad, let's just say that I like him."

That seemed to be enough for Charlie's ears. "All right, all right," he said. "I won't pry. I'm glad you're making friends. The Cullens are good people and they've done a lot for the community. Just leave a note next time so you don't let your dear old dad think you've been dragged off by a bear."

I snickered, remembering Edward's bear spray comment days before. "Sure, Dad," I said, hugging him quickly.

Charlie got a little red in the face and hugged me back briefly. I could tell that he wasn't used to girlish emotions, so I stepped back. He seemed to be thinking on something.

"Edward, huh?" he said finally. "He makes a mean lasagna. I think I'll be in tomorrow night for a plate." With that, he winked at me and headed into the living room where the TV seemed to be waiting for him.

I smiled to myself and made my way upstairs to my room.

* * * * *

As I pulled into the diner's parking lot, I glanced up at the reader board.

"Dinner Special: Edward's Lasagna", it read. Already, I could see more cars in the lot than I was accustomed to seeing at the diner. I smiled to myself as I cut the truck's engine and hopped out.

Edward was already in the kitchen, fervently discussing the lasagna with Jan. Jan waved to me as I entered and I returned the gesture. Edward, however, did not raise his head. I was confused, but hung my coat on the rack by the timeclocks and tried to shake the image from my head. I turned my back to the kitchen and tied on my apron.

A pair of familiar hands met mine, grasping firmly on the strings of my apron and taking over the duty of tying it into a neat bow. I gasped, startled.

"Hello," Edward said softly into my ear.

"Hello," I replied.

"I'm sorry I didn't look up when you came in," he said, finishing up with my apron and turning me around to face him.

"So what's the deal?"

Edward looked around. Satisfied that no one was near, he grinned devilishly as he placed his hands on my hips and moved me towards the wall opposite the timeclock. "I heard your truck outside and my mind slid into…thoughts that do not involve pasta sauce. Jan would not have appreciated the way I would've looked at you in that moment."

I felt my face flush as Edward put a hand on the wall next to my right shoulder. He leaned in and planted a chaste kiss on my mouth. I sighed, longing for more. I looked up at him, expectantly, but was jarred out of my trance by the banging of the screen door next to us.

"Oh!" Jessica cried. Edward and I pulled apart instantly, our heads turned immediately towards Jessica's voice. Her face was crimson and she threw her hands up in front of her face.

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry!" she exclaimed.

I giggled nervously. "No worries, Jess," I said. "We were just…um…talking."

"The coast is clear," Edward added. "I'll be at my post." He smiled at me before turning to head back to the stove.

I turned my attention back to Jessica, who now had her hands clamped firmly over her mouth. Her eyes were wide, nearly bulging out of their sockets. She removed one hand from her face and pointed behind her.

"You. Me. Now."

I took one step forward before I heard Jan's voice from the door to the dining room. "Where in the world are my waitresses?!"

"Another time," I told Jessica, grabbing her by the arm. "I promise."

"You better," she said, letting me drag her back out front. "Trust me when I tell you that that was not what I expected to see when I came in from my smoke break."

I giggled, pushing through the door. "What _did_ you expect?"

Jessica shrugged. "I don't know. Fritz the stoner squishing his hands in a can of olives again?"

"Ew, really?"

"Really. It happens more often than you'd think."

Our playful chatter was cut short by the sight that was laid out in front of us – a nearly packed dining room. How in the hell had that happened? Jessica and I looked at each other, then at a frazzled Angela and Jan as they crazily made their way through the throngs of diners.

"What in the hell is this?" I asked Jessica under my breath.

Jessica pulled out her order book and flipped it open. "Welcome to lasagna night. Get ready to sweat."

* * * * *

I had never worked so hard in my life for a paycheck. Considering this was my first job in the history of ever, that's not saying too much, but I doubted that I would ever work this hard again. At least, I supposed, not until the next lasagna night.

The open sign had been flickered off an hour before, but stragglers still remained at tables scattered through the restaurant. Charlie, for one, who really seemed to have an eye for Jan. A few others appeared to be lasagna night regulars, their laughter loud and raucous as they regaled each other with stories. Jessica and I had been slouched in this booth for at least twenty minutes, neither of us speaking for some time. I polished off the last remnants of ice cubes in my glass of water and straightened myself.

"Wow," I said finally. I brushed a stray hair out of my face.

Jessica heaved a sigh in response. "Yeah." She pulled her cell phone out of her apron pocket, punching a few buttons before setting it down on the table in front of us. Texting Mike, I figured.

Angela practically fell onto the seat next to me, looking nearly as disheveled and exhausted as Jessica and I did. "Well, girls," she said, "that sure was a hoot, wasn't it?"

I laughed. "And the sad thing is, I don't even know what makes Edward's lasagna so popular."

Jessica reached a hand across the table and placed it on mine. "You have to find out. This will all make sense."

Angela's voice was solemn with regard. "It's the best thing you'll ever put in your mouth."

I snickered. "Really?"

Angela's face went bright red. "I didn't mean, I mean, I didn't…" she trailed off in embarrassment.

Jessica giggled. "She's just messing with you, Ang."

As we laughed, Charlie approached our table. "Bella," he said. "Ladies. You all look like you'd prefer it if we got out of your hair. Should I bring out the weaponry and rustle these stragglers out of here?" He gestured to the remaining tables.

"Aw, Swan!" one of the men replied. "Always the buzzkill!"

Charlie laughed, but his joking words held enough weight that the last few customers began to gather their things and head towards the door. Angela stood and immediately began clearing their tables. Charlie looked down at me. "There's a young man waiting for you, I believe."

I looked towards the kitchen, where Edward waved quickly. He smiled and nodded at Charlie, who returned his own half-smile as some kind of silent peace gesture.

I looked at Jessica across the table. "Details later, I swear."

She pointed to her phone. "You have my number. I have unlimited texts."

I stood from the table quickly. Charlie put an arm on my shoulder. "Just be quiet when you come in the house," he said. "I need my beauty sleep."

"Thanks, Charlie," I said. "Don't wait up."

I made my way back to the kitchen, where I first headed for the timeclock to punch out. Edward was fast on his feet behind me, tugging at the strings of my apron again.

"We meet again," he said, reaching around me to grab his own timecard.

I punched the timecard through and replaced it on the wall. Edward did the same and I turned to face him.

"We gave poor Jessica a heart attack," I said.

Edward laughed. "Things don't stay quiet in this town for long."

"Bella!" Jessica's voice rang out from the door to the kitchen. Clearly, she wasn't taking any chances of running into another makeout session. I stepped away from Edward and leaned my head towards the door.

"What's up?"

"My place, tonight. My folks are out of town and Mike's got some friends over. A bunch of us are going to hang out and unwind after tonight. You should come."

I looked at Edward. His face was amused.

"Can I bring a friend?" I asked, smiling at him.

"Is he hot?"

I looked back at Edward, who was now unabashedly grinning at me.

"Actually, he's room temperature."

Jessica laughed. "I'll text you the directions. See you in a bit!"

I turned back to Edward. "So, Jessica's?"

"Oh, I suppose," Edward replied, pulling me closer to him. I could smell him, despite the obvious odor of pasta sauce emanating from his clothing. "But first, I have something for you."

From behind him, Edward produced a small takeout bag, the kind we sent home customer's leftovers in. Pulling me outside, Edward dragged me to my truck. I got in on the driver's side, Edward on the passenger side.

"So what is it?" I asked.

Edward opened the bag and produced a small styrofoam container and a plastic fork. He handed the container to me.

"I heard you telling Angela and Jessica that you'd never had my lasagna," he explained as I looked at him curiously. "So I saved you the last piece."

I smiled. "Thanks," I said. Edward took the container from me and opened it. The lasagna was still warm, steam rising from it, its smell permeating the inside of my truck. Edward cut off a piece with the fork and rose it to my mouth.

I took the bite, my eyes never leaving Edward's face as I slowly savored the taste and chewed. The girls were right – it was divine. I closed my eyes. Naughty connotations aside, it really was one of the best things I'd ever put in my mouth.

"Wow," I said. "You sure can cook." I opened my eyes and looked back at Edward. His own eyes had grown heavy, his gaze on me now somewhat more heated than it had been before.

"There's something about watching a beautiful woman enjoy my cooking," he explained without question. He put the container and the fork down on the dash. "I can't tell you…" his voice trailed off as he leaned forward and put his mouth on mine.

His kiss was hot and demanding; I caved to his lips almost immediately. He moved forward against me, pinning me against the driver's side window of the truck. His tongue worked insistently inside my mouth as his hands were rough on the skin of the back of my neck. He pulled me closer to him from there, leaving me gasping for air and frantically meeting his thrusting tongue.

I broke away for a breath, which only led his lips to another of his favorite places – my neck. Hot and moist, his mouth made its way down my chin and to the soft skin at my collarbone. My breathing sped up, becoming ragged as he slid a rough hand up my shirt. The feel of his skin on mine brought goosebumps to every inch of my body and I shuddered, a slight moan escaping my lips. I moved my hand up from where it had fallen by my side, trying to find a firm surface for it to lay.

It found the horn. Cutting through the silent night around us, it was deafening. I heard muted laughter outside my truck and realized then that I could not see its owner – the windows of the truck had completely fogged up.

Edward removed his hand from under my shirt and his lips from my neck. "You have impeccable timing," he said with a laugh.

I brushed another stray hair from my face. "Sorry about that," I replied. "It's my Bella Swan trademark. Ruining perfect moments is my specialty!"

Edward shook his head. "The moment wasn't ruined, really, just interrupted. Should we pick up where we left off?"

I was about to wholeheartedly consent when I heard the loud honk of a horn next to us. It Jessica as she drove past, flashing her lights and waving for us to follow her.

"Don't take this as reluctance on my part," I replied, sitting up. "But I don't exactly know where Jessica lives and should probably follow her."

Edward looked dejected for a moment, then moved back to the passenger seat. "Mind if I come along for the ride? I can pick my bike up later."

"You think I'd leave you here, all alone and defenseless?"

"Not defenseless. I have bear spray, remember?"

* * * * *

Jessica's house was close to the diner, only a few minutes off the beaten path and at the end of a quiet street. There weren't many houses on the street and all of them were dark, save for hers. At least a dozen cars filled the driveway and lined the street – clearly, Mike had gotten the party started early.

Edward and I climbed out of my truck and followed Jessica and Angela into the house, where we found that the music was turned up loud. Wall-shaking loud. There seemed to be a massive crush of people in the kitchen and past that, in what appeared to be an entertainment room, a bunch of guys were hovered around a huge television while they argued whose turn it was to play Guitar Hero next.

Edward and I were hanging back from the crowd, leaning against a wall by the kitchen when Mike brushed past us and handed us both red plastic cups filled with…something. "Drink up, mateys!" he announced as he continued on his way to the entertainment room.

I looked at Edward, who had that same amused look on his face from earlier. "What?"

"Nothing."

"You've been to one of these parties before, haven't you?"

"Once or twice."

"Is it always like this?"

"Usually. I don't stick around too long. I mostly just come to watch Newton get wasted and then try to get the high score on Dance Dance Revolution."

I giggled. "Really?"

"Scout's honor. His favorite song to dance to is the theme from Flashdance."

I snorted a little when I laughed this next time, then looked down at the cup in my hand. "Dare I ask what I've been given to imbibe?"

"It's probably spodie," Edward replied. He sniffed the cup and winced. "Or straight gasoline. I can't tell the difference."

"What's a spodie?" I asked, noticing a floating chunk of some kind of fruit in my cup. I poked at it with my finger.

"Pretty much, every possible booze that these fools could get a hold of," Edward replied. He put his cup down on a table near us. "And then a bunch of fruit thrown in. The fruit is the worst part, really. It soaks up all the alcohol. Go ahead and drink, but beware the strawberries."

I held my breath and took a healthy swig from my cup. It tasted a lot like fruit juice. I took another drink and then held the cup in both hands while I leaned against Edward.

"Bella!" Jessica called from the kitchen. "Come in here and meet some of our friends!"

I looked at Edward apologetically. He planted a kiss on my cheek and gestured towards the kitchen. "Don't worry about it," he said. "I'll go see how long it takes Mike to pull out the DDR mat this time."

* * * * *

In the kitchen with Jessica, I met the rest of the Forks crowd – a guy named Eric that seemed to be obsessively staring at Angela, a girl named Lauren that I felt I could easily punch in the mouth and walk away with a clear conscience, a guy named Tyler who seemed to be obsessively staring at my chest and a few others whose names I quickly forgot. Each of them had grown up together and had known each other practically since they were in diapers. I hung back, leaning on the kitchen counter and nursing my drink while they laughed and joked around me.

I had barely finished my drink when Jessica handed me another cup. I tried to push it back to her. "No, really, Jess, I'm good."

Jessica laughed. "No way. I have a two cup rule in this house – you don't leave here without at least finishing off your share."

I sighed and took the cup from her, leaving my empty one discarded on the kitchen counter. I quietly ducked out of the noisy, crowded kitchen and into the hallway beside it.

As I did, I nearly collided with someone. Surprise.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "I'm so sorry!" I looked up at who I'd nearly taken out.

Jacob grinned. "No worries," he replied. "No harm, no foul."

"Hi, Jacob," I said, remembering his name from our first meeting. "How've you been?"

"Good," he replied. "How's the truck working out for you?"

I shifted from one foot to the other. This conversation was going nowhere fast. "Good," I echoed. There was an awkward pause.

"Sooooo," I said. "Do you come here just for the underage drinking or are you here to molest Jessica's big screen?"

Jacob laughed; it was deep and throaty. "A little from column A, a little from column B. Mostly I come to watch Mike get drunk and break out the Dance Dance Revolution."

I threw my head back and laughed. Jacob looked confused. "Sorry," I said, regaining my composure. "It's just…do you know my boyf…"

I cut myself off mid-sentence. _Was_ he my boyfriend? Was that the right term? Were we really any kind of official like that yet? Ugh. **This** was exactly why I had avoided dating in high school. Well, that, and you know, the whole mom-dying-of-cancer thing.

Jacob was looking at me expectantly. "You mean Edward?" he finished.

"Yeah," I replied, blushing. "He was telling me the same exact thing about Mike is all."

Jacob and I sat down on a couch in the living room and talked for what seemed forever. It turned out that we had a lot in common, including the fact that our fathers were friends. He was working on fixing up another car, he told me, and I was welcome to come by with Edward any time I liked. Finally, I heard a hoot and holler come from the entertainment room – it seemed like Mike had pulled out the fabled DDR mat after all.

"I hate to cut this short, Bella," Jacob said, "but this is something I can't ever miss. I have an ongoing bet with Quil as to how long it'll take Mike to fall down."

I waved him off and stood from the couch as he scurried away in the direction of the noise. I decided that I liked Jacob – like we could've been siblings if we'd been born into different realities. There definitely wasn't the attraction with him that I had for Edward, but there was absolutely a deep-seated feeling of friendship. I made a mental note, as I picked up my emptied plastic cup, to follow through on the plan to visit Jacob at his house in La Push.

As I moved to head back into the kitchen, I realized that the alcohol had started to take a bit of a hold on me. All of a sudden, I felt warm. Too warm. Desperate for fresh air, I pushed open a screen door that led outside to a backyard. Jessica saw me on my way out and caught up to me.

"Hey, you!" she exclaimed, throwing her arms around my shoulders. "Pukey time?"

I laughed. "No, not pukey time. But I do need some air. Is it all right that I head out back here?"

"Totally fine. There's a swing set out back, too. Have at."

Jessica turned back to the revelers in the house and I was alone to quietly slip out the sliding door and into the dark of the night. Save for the light from the house windows, which were deflected nicely by the surrounding pine trees, the yard was nearly pitch black. I found the swing set that Jessica had mentioned, hidden in the shadows at the back of her massive yard.

Ahhh. Swings.

I was swinging for awhile, kicking my legs back and forth, enjoying the cool air through my hair. I didn't realize that I was no longer alone until one of the guys from the party, Tyler, was sitting on the swing next to me.

I jumped. "Oh! You startled me!"

"Sorry 'bout that," he said. His eyes drifted from my face to my lips, down to my chest. I dragged my feet on the ground to slow the swing and came to a complete stop.

"Well, hey," I said. "I was headed back in. Have a good night." I stood up – too quickly, it seemed. My legs felt like Jell-o beneath me. My head began to swim.

"Wait," Tyler said. He stood up from his swing and stood next to me.

"I really think I need to get inside," I said, taking a step backwards. I stumbled a bit, my natural clumsiness made more pronounced by the addition of alcohol.

"Aw, come on," Tyler said quietly. "That party's lame." He moved closer to me, grabbing my hand. "Let's hang out here a little longer."

"No," I said, struggling to pull against his grasp. "I really don't feel very good." My arms felt as gelatinous as my legs, rendering them nearly useless.

Tyler yanked on my arm, bringing me to his chest. "Naw," he said, his breath hot on my voice. "You look just fine to me."

With one of my useless hands, I hit against Tyler's chest. It was like throwing a marshmallow at a brick wall. "Let go."

With his free hand, Tyler abruptly pressed his hand against my left breast. "Don't worry about a thing, girl. We'll have fun." He gave my breast a squeeze.

My head was fuzzy and reeling, but I fought against it. "Stop it."

Tyler pushed me down against the plastic of the slide that was attached to the swingset. His body hovered over me as he leaned in closer, pinning my arms to my sides. "C'mon, girl. Don't be like that."

"Get off me!" My voice was plaintive and weak.

Tyler didn't respond this time, instead choosing to press against me. I smell the alcohol on his breath as I tried to squirm out from under him. I still felt sluggish and woozy, my resolve to escape fading. Tyler's face loomed closer to mine.

Suddenly, he was gone.

Yanked off of me from behind, he was tossed to the ground by two pairs of hands. I pushed myself up from the slide in time to see both Edward and Jacob standing over me.

"Shit, Bella," Edward said, reaching his hand down to help me up. "Are you all right?" Behind him, Tyler was getting up from the ground. Jacob was waiting for him and pushed him down again.

"I'm okay, I think," I replied. I held onto his arm as I rose from the ground. I still didn't feel steady on my legs and I nearly fell as soon as I was on both feet again.

"What the fuck, man?!" exclaimed Tyler.

"What the fuck's wrong with _you_?" asked Edward angirly. "Whatever happened to no-means-no?"

"Oh, whatever," Tyler replied. "She was cool with it."

Edward let go of my arm, took two steps and punched Tyler in the face.

I fell down.

By this point, we had attracted a crowd. Most of the party had spilled out into the backyard, where they saw Edward turning back to help me up from the ground. They also saw a bloody-nosed Tyler struggling to get up, which Jacob helped by yanking him by the arm.

"Hey, man!" Tyler shouted. "Lay off!"

"Fuck you, rape-o," Jacob replied. He twisted Tyler's arm behind his back and marched him towards the house and the partiers. "Douchebag was forcing himself on Bella. Cool guy, huh?" The crowd gasped and then parted as Jacob pushed Tyler into the house.

"Edward?" I asked. "Can we just go? Everyone's staring at me."

Edward gripped his arm around my waist. "Let's go."

* * * * *

There were apologies on the way out, of course. Jessica was loudest amongst them – and Mike. They both promised that Tyler wouldn't come around ever again. Angela tried to convince me to call the police, but I brushed that thought aside – calling the police meant calling Charlie and calling Charlie meant having him realize that I'd been drinking. That everyone had been drinking. I'd be all right, I told them.

Besides, I didn't think Tyler would be coming around again. I saw Jacob shove him into his car as Edward and I made it back to my truck.

"If I _ever_ see you again," Jacob was saying, "I'll rip your fucking arms off and feed them to the wolves."

"Whatever, man," Tyler retorted, but there was no weight behind his words. He'd been warned.

Edward opened the passenger side door and I practically collapsed onto the seat. I barely moved as he fished my keys out of my pants pocket.

In the driver's seat, Edward started the truck, letting it warm up before we left. "I'm so sorry, Bella," he said. "I should've been with you."

I tried to keep still – my head still felt like it was the inside of a washing machine. "It's all right," I said. "You couldn't have known."

"That doesn't make me feel any better."

I scooted carefully over to where Edward sat, laying sideways on the seat and putting my head on his lap. "I know," I replied. "But it's the truth."

Edward pulled the truck out onto the street and began the drive back to my house. I closed one eye to focus and looked at my watch – it was nearly 1am. I hoped Charlie had listened to me and chosen not to wait up.

The ride was bumpy in my truck, the shocks doing nothing to ease the trek on my wobbly stomach. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe deeply, but it only made me woozier. We were almost to the house when I made Edward pull over so I could get sick. I threw open the door and almost fell out. Edward was quick behind me, his hands holding my hair back before I even started retching.

I wiped my face with the back of my hand when I was done, looking sheepishly up at Edward. "Sorry," I said quietly.

There wasn't a single sign of annoyance on his face. He just smiled at me, warmly and with an undeniable look of concern. "It's all right," he said. "Been there, done that."

We got back in the truck and finished the short ride home. As he parked in my driveway, I realized that he had left his motorcycle back at the diner.

"Oh no," I cried. "How will you get home?"

"I like to walk, remember?"

I groaned. "I'm so sorry. You must think I suck."

"Not in the least. It's not a big deal. I'm just glad to get you home in one piece."

Out of the truck, Edward helped me up the stairs to the porch. "I'd invite you in," I said, "but I think Charlie might have a conniption."

Edward laughed quietly and brushed a hair from my face. "Will be able to get in all right?"

I looked down at my legs. Some of their steadiness was starting to return. "I should manage." I leaned heavily onto Edward's chest. "I'm so sorry about tonight. I can't believe I let that happen."

Edward put both his arms around me. "It wasn't your fault. Tyler's an asshole."

Breathing heavily, I felt my eyelids drooping and my arms returning to a rubbery state; the alcohol was taking effect again. "I love you," I said with a slight slur, before I could realize that the words were coming out of my mouth.

Edward chuckled lightly. "I know, Bella," he replied. "I love you too."


	13. Hiatus

So.

As you can see, _Fiercest Calm_ is on a bit of a hiatus. It wasn't entirely planned, to tell the truth, but it wasn't entirely surprising.

The story is not entirely lost to me – it's always there, cultivating in the back of my mind. It's just that real life has gotten in the way a bit and I've figured out that I currently only have enough creative juices for one writing project at a time…at least, right now, with my life schedule the way it is.

On a positive note, the reason I'm lacking creative juices is because I've remained in The Real LJ Idol competition for far longer than I think I expected to. (Not that I don't believe in my own awesomeness, because I do. I just figured I would've had a crap entry by now.) Currently, the competition is in its 28th week and what began as approximately 240 contestants has now whittled down to 19.

I'm a part of that final 19 and I'm pretty stressed out with the aspect of writing to a different topic every week. If I miss a deadline, I'm out. On top of it, I'm trying to collaborate with an illustrator friend of mine to get a webcomic going. At the very least, I'm trying to get my LJI entries done in a timely fashion so he can illustrate those – and almost every week I fail at that goal.

So, right now I'm focusing on LJI. Once that's behind me, whenever that may be (and I welcome the continued challenge), I'll probably rest for a bit and then get back to _FC_.

If you're interested in LJI, you can view the community here:

community(dot)livejournal(dot)com/therealljidol

All of my entries are open for public viewing on my own blog here:

strryeyedgrrl(dot)livejournal(dot)com/tag/therealljidol

I'll be back, friends, I promise!

(And, in the meantime, I'll gobble up every _Eclipse_ preview or clip that I can get my grubby little paws onto!)


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